An unconventional relationship
And the 3 things that have made it work
Hello, I’m Molly, a full time creative based in the Scottish Highlands. Subscribers can enjoy weekly posts around the themes of slow living, with members getting access to ALL my work, including video tea times, slow letters and seasonal book reviews to name a few!
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I’ve always been convinced that I would end up a spinster.
Unlike my fellow ‘Bridget Jones generation’, I didn’t consider this to be a bad thing. In fact, I was rather looking forward to it.
I loved the idea of having a life all of my own and sharing my days with multiple fluffy companions, intermixed with the odd cosy coffee date with close friends.
You see, relationships require a huge amount of compromise, especially if, like me, you crave so much time alone. And I wasn’t sure whether the return would ever be worth it.
It may be a surprise then for me to say that I’ve now been with my partner for 7 years, with almost 4 of these years involving cohabiting a Tiny Home. As we both primarily work from home, this means that we inevitably spend a lot of time together.
Rather than this being the end of our relationship, we’ve found ourselves going from strength to strength with each passing year.
I’m more surprised than anyone by this development, so I thought it was worth pondering on how we make our unconventional relationship work.
We make our own rules
There are so many unwritten rules when it comes to romantic relationships. These are set out right at the beginning, such as leaving a certain length of time before you call or needing to have gone on a set number of dates before it is appropriate to meet friends and family.
When I first met my partner, on Tinder no less, the odds were stacked against us. I was only in Inverness for what was meant to be a 6-month contract (which ended up being extended when I got promoted) and he was just getting into his busy season for work (which at the time was an outdoor instructor).
This meant that we were unable to stick to the prescribed rules and instead made time to see each other as and when we could. We made our relationship work for us and this is something we’ve continued to do.
For instance, although we celebrate our respective birthdays and anniversary (with cards and occasionally a modest present), we ignore the likes of Christmas or Valentine’s Day.
Neither of us feel comfortable on romantic dinners, much preferring a muddy dog walk exploring our Highland home.
We don’t share a bed, manage our money separately and marriage is not something that’s ever likely to happen.
All of this is what makes us, us.
We choose not to argue
I’ve never been someone who enjoys conflict. This is just not how I’m made.
If I’m angry, I’m much more likely to become quiet than lash out. My partner is the exact opposite. And somehow this means that I can count on one hand the number of times we’ve really argued.
The key for us is that we know each other really well.
This is helped along by the fact that we are both brutally honest. We respect each other too much to be any other way.
We also love to laugh and make it our mission to do this every single day.
This doesn’t mean our relationship is perfect, we are both far too flawed for this to be a remote possibility, but it does mean that we make each other happy.
We spend time together and apart
One of the main reasons my partner and I work so well together is that neither of us were built to be in a relationship.
We are both exceptionally independent and this is not something either of us is willing to give up. It’s what makes us who we are.
This means that, despite the fact that we cohabit a Tiny Home, we both respect each other’s personal space.
This was one of the primary reasons we built two lofts. Although we can still hold a conversation between them, without even remotely raising our voices, it’s a small separation that means we both feel like we have our own space.
We also spend time apart away from home, including trips away, either with our respective friends/family or solo.
Yet, we’ve also learnt the importance of quality time together. This can look like taking the time to have dinner together, a weekend coffee date or, on rare occasions, spending a couple of nights away in an Air BnB.
This is a balance we are always working on but is becoming easier and easier as the years pass.
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Although I love my partner dearly, I never wanted my relationship to become my life. I need to feel like me, which means my life will always be just that. Mine.
I’m just exceptionally lucky that I’ve stumbled across someone who feels the same.
Whatever your relationship status, I hope this post empowers you to cherish the life that you have carved out for yourself, in all its unique beauty.
Until next time,
Molly xx
Dear Molly, thank you so much for sharing so personally and confirming that we can make our own "rules" and what works for us, doesn't have to work for others. A big yay to that! 😊
You have a very brave and mature approach to a loving relationship… x