Confession from a slow living failure

Why I feel like a hypocrite

Hello, I’m Molly and I write about my slow and simple life in the Scottish Highlands. Subscribe for free to enjoy occasional posts from me. Or, better yet, join our slow community of kindred spirits to unlock ALL my content, including exclusive writing, videos and resources, to help you live the life you REALLY crave. We’d love you to join us for a cuppa…

Ok, here it is. My confession. I’m a slow living failure.

It was a Friday evening and I was watching Madeline Olivia’s latest vlog whilst washing the dishes and occasionally kicking the ball for Skye. Something Maddie said made me stop multi-tasking and really listen.

She was talking about her inability to relax at the weekends and expressing her shame at this apparent failure.

It dawned on me, I was the same. Somewhere along the line, I’d lost my ability to relax. My ability to just BE. And it broke my heart.

On the face of it, I’ve nailed slow living. I’ve turned away from the consumerist lifestyle and chosen to live a minimal life in a Tiny Home. I’ve rejected the hustle culture and work part time hours on my own creative career. I cook from scratch. I read. I’m a dedicated yogi. I thrift much of my capsule wardrobe. I take long walks in nature. I’ve even dabbled in growing my own food.

But here’s the problem. I want to do it all. And it has to be perfect.

I’ve always struggled with anxiety. Its not something I talk about often, partly because I’m ashamed but mostly because its so normal, so imbedded in who I am, that I’ve forgotten what its like not to feel this way.

This is one of the main reasons that attracted me to slow living in the first place. I was in my mid-20’s and struggling. Working in a full time job that asked too much of me, just to pay my sky-high rent, with no real hobbies to speak of. I spent most of my weekends on the sofa, trying to recover and pull myself together before another work week.

I knew that this lifestyle wasn’t sustainable. Something needed to change before I broke entirely.

I’m proud that I was brave enough to make these changes. It wasn’t easy and it required sacrifices, like having to spend two winter’s living in a caravan to save money for our tiny home build and working every weekend in order to build my creative side hustle.

But I made it. I got everything I wanted and finally have the time and space to build a life full of these nourishing hobbies I was craving. To live the ultimate slow life.

So why doesn’t it feel that way?

Ironically, before this year, I never really considered myself perfect enough to be a perfectionist. I can never quite live up to my exceptionally high standards.

I couldn’t understand why everything still felt rushed. Like I never had enough time and the days and weeks would fly by. I would berate myself for being tired in the mornings or at the weekend when I felt I had no right to be.

I’d got so caught up on what a slow life should look like that I forgot the fundamental principles of how this life should feel.

There isn’t one definition for slow living, but I feel this one from slow living lnd really captures what I’ve been striving for.

Slow living is a mindset whereby you curate a more meaningful and conscious lifestyle that’s in line with what you value most in life.

It means doing everything at the right speed. Instead of striving to do things faster, the slow movement focuses on doing things better. Often, that means slowing down,  doing less, and prioritising spending the right amount of time on the things that matter most to you.

I shouldn’t have to time-block my weekends to the combat the anxiety caused by ‘free time’. I shouldn’t feel guilty in choosing to watch Netflix over reading, or getting behind on my food prep in order to meet a friend for lunch. Not everything needed to be a routine and I didn’t need to pack my days with every healthy habit.

Of course, I have the additional pressure of sharing my life online. My video about choosing slow living over the hustle culture is one of my most watched on my YouTube. It resulted in my channel blowing up and I gained thousands of subscribers who also craved a slow life and were looking to me on how to do it.

I get so many comments from people wishing they could be like me and have the dream slow life. I feel like such an imposter when reading these comments. I always want to be honest and authentic in my content, which means that when the cameras are turned off, I still feel the pressure to live up to that aesthetically perfect slow life.

Its exhausting.

I’ve accepted the need to shift my mindset and start approaching life at my own pace.

One of the things that has really helped has been embracing the variety that life brings. Allowing my habits and routines to shift with the seasons and my varying energy throughout the month. Recognising that life is imperfect and that’s exactly what makes it beautiful.

I chose joy as my word of the year for 2024. I want to re-learn what makes me happy, rather than spending time on things just to tick them off my to-do list.

I can already feel myself beginning to change. Its a subtle shift, and still very much a work in progress, but its a step in the right direction and I’m proud of myself for starting this journey.

So perhaps next time I watch a YouTube video, I’ll not try and do multiple things at once and simply enjoy it, with no guilt attached.

If this post resonated with you, then know you are not alone. We are all just doing our best in living within this beautifully chaotic world.

And that is all we can do.

Until next week,

Molly xx