Dealing with other people's opinions

Live the life you truly want

This was it. The first big event since I stopped drinking. A wedding, of all things. With a fluttery tummy, I jostled past people at the crowded bar and prepared to face the inevitable ‘opinions’.

I am no stranger to facing the opinions of others. As someone who has chosen a different path in a lot of ways, I’ve become adept at dealing with this discomfort and no longer let it stand in my way.

As such, I now follow a vegan diet, live in a tiny home, have a minimalist lifestyle, reject the hustle culture, have given up drinking and now social media. As you can imagine, this is a pretty different outlook to most people I come across. So, how do I deal with it?

That’s what I’m going to share today. After years of trial and error, I now have my strategies in place that make dealing with opinions easier, and my life is a whole lot happier for it.

Accept that you care

None of us like to admit that we care what people think of us. That this can impact our behaviour. Shirking the dreaded ‘people pleaser’.

This is something I very much relate to. However, over the years, I’ve come to accept that I do care and I am impacted by what people think. Humans are social creatures. Even if you are an introvert like me. Its only natural to feel nervous about the response to a change in lifestyle.

This is an important first step. By accepting these feelings and being kind to yourself, it will make the next steps so much easier.

Know your why

You know why you’ve chosen the life you have. If you’ve decided to challenge the status quo, its likely been a well thought out decision. Something that will really add value to your life.

Holding on to your reasons is one of the most effective ways to deal with any negative comments from others. Its your shield. It can be useful to rehearse your reasons in your head or even write them down. Be mindful of the positive impact this change is having on your life. This will help reinforce your decision and you will feel braver and more certain when facing opposition.

Have answers ready

In addition to being clear of your reasons internally, it can be really useful to have some answers prepared for when you do face questions.

Take note of the types of questions you get. They will likely be broadly similar. Then start crafting some answers for them. Try and make these clear, concise and non-argumentative, unless you want a debate of course!

Doing some research is helpful and even Googling good answers to common questions. There’s a whole load out there for vegans!

But remember, you shouldn’t feel the need to justify yourself. Some of these answers can be deeply personal and not something you want to get into with a random stranger. Be prepared but don’t sacrifice your peace of mind to satisfy someone else’s curiosity or, worse, their need to justify their own life choices, which is where a lot of these questions really stem from.

Be patient and understanding

I remember when I first decided to choose a vegan diet. It was an emotional time for me. I’d learnt some shocking facts about the dairy industry (I was already vegetarian) and I felt the desperate need to shout this from the rooftops. Surely, if everyone had the same information, they’d have to be vegan?

As I quickly learnt, this is not always the case. We all have widely different lives. Not all of us have the luxury of making these kind of decisions.

Do I wish more people would make the same decision? Yes, very much so. Is it my job to force this change? No. Its a tough pill to swallow, but necessary for my own peace of mind and to maintain the relationships that are important to me.

Plus, I’ve found that setting an example, by clearly thriving on a vegan diet, has led to changes in the people around me anyway. Its a gentler approach but you’ll be surprised by your impact.

Find your tribe

Surrounding yourself with like-minded people is one of the most powerful assets that you can have.

One of the upsides to our online world is that finding a community is far easier. No matter your interests or values, finding people you can relate to makes dealing with those negative opinions so much easier. 

Be careful who you let into your life.  Making significant life changes inevitably has an impact on your relationships.  You want to ensure that the people in your life, wherever possible, are supportive and accepting, even if they don’t have exactly the same opinions.  This may mean, in some cases, you have to let some people go.  Don’t let toxicity make you live a life that’s not truly yours.

Be organised

When I embraced a minimalist lifestyle, this changed how I wanted to spend my time.  Trawling through fast fashion shops no longer interested me. 

Rather than this meaning I couldn’t spend time with friends, I made sure that I found a compromise that suited us both.  Sticking to charity shops or going for a nature walk instead ensured we all had a good time.

Planning ahead and being open to compromise can make the transition into a new lifestyle far smoother.  As a vegan, I always check out vegan options when eating out in a new place and often bring my own food with me.  This takes the pressure off a social situation and gives you peace of mind.

As long as you're living kindly and your choices aren’t hurting anyone, you deserve to live a life that brings you joy.  There is nothing more tragic than living a life to please others. 

I wish you all the best of luck and sending good vibes to my wonderful online community.

Until next week

Molly xxx

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