Don't let society shape your wardrobe

Building an authentic wardrobe that brings you joy

It was inevitable. Now approaching 30, I am at the age where the wedding invites have started appearing. I feel the anxiety creeping in. What was I going to wear?

My relationship with clothing has changed drastically over the years. At University, my wardrobe was chocked full of fast fashion party dresses. My draws were always stuffed full, but this didn’t stop me shopping. I couldn’t bear the thought be being caught in the same outfit two weeks in a row. I always needed something new.

Over time, my lifestyle changed. By my mid-20’s, my party dress days were already behind me. However, it was only when I stumbled across the concept of minimalism that my wardrobe really started to shift.

In 2019, the decluttering began. Huge numbers of bags were filled with clothes that hadn’t seen the light of day for months or even years. I relished in the idea of actually having space on my wardrobe and having it reflect the person I am now.

This was a process. Although I felt like I’d made real progress with my first declutter, in reality, this was only the start. I was still hanging on to items that I felt I ‘needed’ even though I didn’t wear them. I had kept dresses that were only really suitable for clubbing, ‘just in case’. Knowing deep down that it was highly unlikely I would ever step into a club again.

In 2020, I started being brutal with myself. With time on my hands during lockdown, I culled my wardrobe, so I was left with a mere skeleton. I had donated around 80% of my wardrobe. The relief was euphoric.

As I was barely left with enough clothes to get me through the week, I knew that I would need to start shopping again. However, I had made the decision that my shopping habits needed to reflect my values. I no longer visited fast fashion stores and instead focused on building a wardrobe with items from sustainable brands or, even better, second hand.

This was a slow process. I couldn’t afford to fill up my wardrobe there and then, given the higher price tags of sustainable clothing. My criteria were also far stricter now. I only wanted to bring in items that I knew I would wear again and again. Building a versatile and functional wardrobe was essential for me.

Two years on, I am proud of the wardrobe I have curated. Although there were some hit and misses along the way, as I was trying to figure out what clothes I actually enjoyed, I have ended up with a wardrobe that reflects my style, lifestyle and values.

The dilemma arose with the wedding invites. I had culled my ‘fancy’ clothes so much that I didn’t feel I was left with anything suitable. Yet I didn’t want to buy something purely for these occasional events and I wasn’t even comfortable in. This went against all my values.

I felt the need to conform intensely. Although I am no stranger to doing things my own way (ahem tiny home, vegan, minimalist, tee-total etc), I still had those all to human emotions of wanting to fit in.

My compromise was to buy a dress (pictured above) that was already on my wish list. It may not be as ‘fancy’ as my previous wedding outfits. But it was something I knew I could wear again and again. I even managed to get it second hand!

The pressure then arose to get a ‘smart’ jacket. My current wardrobe only stocks practical layers. All my coats are at least showerproof to suit my Scottish home. Hence the frantic shopping began. I scrolled through endless jackets, trying to find something that sparked joy. I even ordered a couple to try.

My heart sank when I looked in the mirror. Although some of these jackets were lovely, they just weren’t me. I felt my eyes brim with tears. I was at a complete loss. My identity, which is so important to me, was fading away. What was I going to do?

It turns out, I did what I do best. I didn’t conform. I returned all the jackets, gladly accepted the refunds and stopped the frenetic scrolling. I am not a smart jacket person. And that’s ok.

We as women are always told what we ‘need’ in our wardrobes. Magazines and websites are filled with ‘must haves’ that leave us feeling desperate and inadequate. There is no such thing as a perfect, one size fits all wardrobe. Although I capsule, I haven’t conformed to the typical, monochrome style rules that come with this. I have built something that suits me. Just as we all should.

Wear what makes you comfortable, confident and, most importantly, feels like you. This will change over time. We change, so of course our wardrobe will evolve with us. But if we hold tight to our identity, getting dressed will no longer be a source of anxiety. One less thing to worry about, so we can get on and enjoy life as we should.

So, whether your wardrobe is filled with high-end event clothing that makes you feel fabulous, or slightly mud-splattered and dog-haired cosy layers, you have the right to dress exactly how you want. Do not let society tell you differently. You deserve more than that.

Please do comment below with your own wardrobe ‘must-haves’. Let’s celebrate our uniqueness!

You can now watch my new capsule wardrobe tour on my YouTube, included below, for some extra inspiration.

Until next week

Molly xxx