I can't stop lying
Is there really such a thing as a 'white lie'
Hello, I’m Molly, a full time creative based in the Scottish Highlands. Subscribers can enjoy weekly posts around the themes of slow living, thriving in a creative career, books & nature. Members get access to ALL my work, including video tea times, slow letters and seasonal book reviews.
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I find the concept of a white lie a curious thing.
The idea of rating lies by colour depending on their severity. Would a black lie be the very worst lie you could tell? And what about all those various shades in between?
How are these lies rated? Is it solely down to the amount of hurt that they cause, or have the potential to cause? Is there a point where a lie’s rating changes?
I generally consider myself an honest person. My habit of cutting straight to the point, trampling right through all social niceties, could even be considered as blunt.
But when I started thinking about it, I realised that I do tell lies. Quite frequently, in fact. Whether I’m lying to myself, those in my close circle, the internet or wider society, I find myself contorting the truth again and again, often without being fully aware that I’m even doing it.
When it comes down to it, we are all liars. In fact, scientists have found that during an average week, we deceive up to 30% of people we interact with on a 1.1 basis.
There as many reasons to lie, some of the most common being to avoid awkward social situations, to make ourselves look better or to protect the feelings of others.
So, in this post, I thought it was time to fess up to some of these lies. Perhaps you can relate?
That I check the fuel prices before filling up my car
How often I wash my bedding
That I never let the dog lick our dishware
That mean comments on my videos/blog posts don’t hurt
I’m someone who suffers from migraines (the ultimate sickness excuse)
That I will watch that show/read that book/listen to that podcast someone recommended
How much money I spend on coffees a week
That I’m ‘fine’, or ‘good’ or even ‘great, thanks’
How often I wash my car
That I don’t know the whereabouts of my partner’s washing-up-glove-ripping-novelty-guitar teaspoon
That I wash all my fresh produce
My real age when relaying an embarrassing childhood story
That I can handle confrontation
How often I cry
That shoes are fine in our house
That I miss people I used to love
That I no longer think about people when I do
That I found a snide comment funny rather than sad
That I have any idea what is going on in the political news
That my phone died/had no signal/spontaneously combusted
That I know longer hold grudges
How many hours I work a week
That the reason I was late was because the dog threw up, not that I had to hastily apply make-up after suffering an anxiety breakdown
How much money I have in my bank account
That I didn’t notice that man staring. And it didn’t make me uncomfortable
That I still own a gift item I gave away long ago
That I have any semblance of a 5-year career plan
What I’m doing this weekend/evening/summer/insert other time I should be doing something fun
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Something I have noticed from doing this exercise is how my tendency to lie seems to be lessening as I age.
Perhaps I will become that outspoken older woman that’s boycotted from social situations sooner than I thought. We can but dream…
Until next week,
Molly xx
Interesting subject Molly - I think we are definitely all guilty of a few white lies :) Which makes me wonder - is it really all that bad? We are conditioned to think we must be honest all the time, but often we care about people and don't want to hurt their feelings, or we care about ourselves and being judged in a harsh light by others. (Because judgey people often forget about their own inadequacies!)
One of the advantages of getting older for me is really caring much less what people think - but it is still hard to shine a light on our perceived failings in an open way because it can leave us vulnerable. So in a way white lies are just the armour we build around us to protect ourselves and others.
Being on the receiving end of blunt honesty can be harsh and upsetting, and can hurt for decades to come. I think there's a lot to be said from protecting others from harsher truths. Ignorance is bliss - it's why I avoid the news for example :)
And the irony is that in exploring this topic, you're being deeply honest with yourself and others!!