I don't want to make content anymore

I want to create art instead

Hello, I’m Molly, a full time creative based in the Scottish Highlands. Subscribers can enjoy weekly posts around the themes of slow living, thriving in a creative career, books & nature. Members get access to ALL my work, including video tea times, slow letters and seasonal book reviews.

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I still stumble when someone asks me what I do for a living.

Although the title of content creator might be technically accurate, I find the words stick in my throat, refusing to be vocalised.

This is partly due to the negative connotations that come with this term, which is only one short hop away from the dreaded word ‘influencer’. However, lately, I’ve realised that this resistance is not only born from a concern of external perception, but that I know longer feel happy in the role I have carved out for myself.

After all, I never planned on this career. Unlike my past role as a conservationist, which I meticulously planned out from a teen, most of the time it feels like I’m making this all up as I go along.

I started sharing my life online in April 2020. Lock down had given me the opportunity to try something new. As there was only so many times I could deep-clean my caravan (my home during lock down), I found that, quite naturally, I was using this extra time to write.

Back then, I had no goal in mind. None of my writing was structured. The concepts of ‘niche’ or ‘algorithm’ never crossed my mind.

My writing process was simple. I’d sit down with my notebook, often in my collapsible camping chair, so I could enjoy the view of the fields surrounding my caravan (I’ve always felt more inspired to write when in nature), and simply let the words pour out. Then, at some later point, I’d type these up to share on my new blog, quite content with the knowledge that only a handful of people will ever read them.

I’ve found myself craving the simplicity of this time. Back when I didn’t consider my writing as ‘content’, but rather an outlet for all the creativity that had spent years bottled up inside me. I was finally making art.

The internet defines a content creator as ‘somebody who creates written, graphical, video or audio content for audiences.’ The last two word’s being key here - ‘for audiences’.

Lately, I’ve begun to notice how much of my life is governed by these words. My days and weeks are planned around them. I now live to create content, rather than creating content about my life.

It’s no wonder that my motivation has begun to wane. This year, I’ve been hitting blocks again and again. Too often, I feel uninspired by the work I’m producing, but press publish anyway, scared that my ‘audience’, which is how I make my full-time living, will find something new in my absence and never come back.

Deep down, I know this isn’t sustainable. I’ve watched other creators go down this trajectory and all roads lead to burn out. This is not an option for me.

Quite unexpectedly, as this inner crisis has been rumbling on over the last few weeks, I’ve begun creating art again. Hobbies that I’ve never been able to stick to have suddenly become the norm, such as painting, collaging, sketching and colouring.

And the more art I create, the more I crave it. I’ve started noticing interesting architecture, seeking out cinematic movies and re-found my love of photography.

Feeling blocked with work means that art is spilling out into other pockets of my life. Proving that the inspiration is still there within me. I just need to harness it differently.

In all honesty, Substack continues to be my happy place. I love writing my weekly posts and don’t envision the need to make big changes here anytime soon. It’s my YouTube where I have been meeting the most resistance.

I don’t want to stop making films. This is a passion of mine that can bring me a huge amount of joy (and a large proportion of my income). But I need to stop making videos for views and instead recapture why I started this channel - a way of celebrating the simple magic of daily life.

I’m not sure what this will look like yet or where this process will take me. But if I’ve learnt anything over my life it’s that I need to trust my intuition and carve out my own path. Its never failed me before.

It doesn’t matter what I call myself. Writer, filmmaker, artist. As long as I believe in the value of my work, then I have to trust others will too.

Until next week,

Molly xx

More musings from my life…

No more smartphone?

Why I’ve given up on morning routines

A love letter to libraries