Yep, 21 happy years in (without a wedding or children - by choice) and I can’t even remember if my OH has ever bought me flowers 🤔 Mostly I get books and stationery as gifts, occasionally a scented candle and once every 5ish years a new bottle of perfume.
My favourite things he does are he makes me a cup of tea every morning, he goes to do or get something that I would find inconvenient and he listens when I have something to say! I’ve often wondered if my standards are too low 😂 (but then I realise they’re very high!) He’s still my favourite person to hang out with which, after all this time, is romantic enough for me!
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts in this article, I enjoyed reading it!
I like to buy my own flowers. I love flowers so much. I think it’s important to be romantic with yourself first! Let yourself watch the rom coms you want to. Then when you meet someone who really truly helps you and elevates your life it’s so much easier to share it 🥰
I couldn't agree more, although I do love the "old school gentlemen manners". My ex-partner used to bring me coffee to bed every morning and there were other similar gestures. I don't think he ever bought me flowers, but I always felt safe and protected and he accepted me the way I was then. What could be more romantic?
I liked this article and it does resonate with me. I had dated alot but didn't meet the one til I was 37. My boyfriend and I will probably not get married. And I live on disability. I don't know if I really care to take a vow of poverty but disability is not much money. And it's ok. Alot of people have alot of head aches with a mortgage and credit cards. I live near Chinatown in Vancouver BC Canada.
And well I don't have as much friends as I did when I was younger. Just a few friends now and kinda a quiet life. I enjoy cooking. I should try to write more. We hope to adopt a dog in the next few years. I'm ok with not taking vacations and socializing. I've done alot in my life and had my fair share of adventures. I'm 41 now. Life is good.
I love this, Molly! I think it's super important to not follow the crowd when it comes to relationships – and most things in life! Finding our own versions of romance or romantic gestures is the best, and it's so nice to create your own little traditions that actually mean something 😊 for example, my partner and I formed a civil partnership instead of got married. We had the tiniest, most budget friendly ceremony we could possibly have, and we don't regret it one bit! We also don't want children – it's entirely about making our own choices and asking ourselves what we truly want in life! xx
my husband and i got married in an arboretum with our two daughters and an officiant. we do not exchange gifts on traditional holidays, etc. we only buy each other useful gifts on our birthdays. i would forego that but it means a lot to him.
after 18 years together the best gifts we give each other are friendship, trust and kindness.
Your writing makes so much sense. When you know what you like, want and need, and are able to express it and live by it, it makes life feel just right. When I learned about the different love languages I liked the idea. My husband is far from big words and gifts. It's the small things, like making me a cup of tea, that he expresses his love through and this is perfect.
I share your sentiments with flowers. I don’t have a lot of space and the vase just feels a bit in the way. I also feel like I’ve been given these beautiful flowers just for the purpose of watching them die in my house. Not fun. Like you, I prefer a low maintenance plant. And my partner knows not to bring me flowers. 💚
So much resonance with your words! My partner and I of seven years bypass a lot of the “shoulds” - Christmas/birthday gifts, Valentine’s Day, flowering etc. something about it all feels very performative and I adore the moments of love that flourish between us naturally (shared cups of tea, walking the dog to the beach for sunrise, his ability to make me laugh when I really need it, the random songs he makes up about me 😂) I love that love looks different for everyone.
This resonates with me so much! I’ve always wondered what my problem is because I love romantic movies and such, but even some of that makes me cringe. And if a guy tries a romantic gesture on a date, especially bringing flowers, I also run for the hills because I genuinely don’t like it. I find it way sexier if the guy just keeps his word and shows up on time, supports me, listens, talks like a genuine human being, and does little things rather than grand gestures. I’ve yet to meet someone who fits that description and I’ve run away from every guy so far who doesn’t, no matter how nice or “perfect” they are, and I think I now have a better understanding as to why. Your articles always seem to help me articulate something about myself that I could never fully put into words when trying to explain myself to people.
Don't buy me flowers, give me chocolates! :) I'm not a really romantic person in the sense of open doors or giving flowers type, but I'm a sucker for words. If you write me a poem (my husband did when he was courting me, I don't know how he knew how to get to my heart, he's not a writing person), or share with me your deepest thoughts and fears and dreams, all in words, I'm yours! But I do love a nice rom-com to ooh-ahh over, preferably with my girlfriends.
Such a thought-provoking post, Molly! My husband and I did a marriage prep course when we got married and learnt all about love languages. It turns out that ours are very different - mine is thoughtful gifts and affection, whereas his is being considerate around the house etc. If we hadn't learn that it would have been an issue, I think! Also, I don't like flowers because I get worried about them being cat-safe!
What a wonderful topic to discuss and I am completely on board with your idea that overly grand romantic gestures are both cringe and a waste of time and money. I think this is also because it feels so impersonal. Anyone can pick up a bunch of flowers in a supermarket and call it “romantic” but all that shows is a lack of knowing what the receiver likes and rather a lack of imagination. If buying me something is a partners love language, but me the book you saw me looking at last week, buy me a vegetable plant I can grow food from, pick up my favourite cake from the bakery you know I love, allow me to peruse my own interests without putting restrictions on my time…that is so much more meaningful and shows that the thoughtfulness is there. That means more and is more “romantic” than any supermarket flower could ever be. Thank you for bringing this issue into the light, it’s certainly given me something to think about that perhaps I’ve known all along.
Yep, 21 happy years in (without a wedding or children - by choice) and I can’t even remember if my OH has ever bought me flowers 🤔 Mostly I get books and stationery as gifts, occasionally a scented candle and once every 5ish years a new bottle of perfume.
My favourite things he does are he makes me a cup of tea every morning, he goes to do or get something that I would find inconvenient and he listens when I have something to say! I’ve often wondered if my standards are too low 😂 (but then I realise they’re very high!) He’s still my favourite person to hang out with which, after all this time, is romantic enough for me!
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts in this article, I enjoyed reading it!
Those sound like the best gifts! This is so lovely to read. I agree that tea making is essential in a relationship! :)
I like to buy my own flowers. I love flowers so much. I think it’s important to be romantic with yourself first! Let yourself watch the rom coms you want to. Then when you meet someone who really truly helps you and elevates your life it’s so much easier to share it 🥰
Yes Brenna! I love this and buying yourself flowers is such a lovely idea. I'm inspired! :)
My partner and I share many of these characteristics, and we have been going on this way for 31 years now next week. Vive la slow life!
How inspiring and congratulations on your anniversary! :)
I couldn't agree more, although I do love the "old school gentlemen manners". My ex-partner used to bring me coffee to bed every morning and there were other similar gestures. I don't think he ever bought me flowers, but I always felt safe and protected and he accepted me the way I was then. What could be more romantic?
I so agree! :)
You, my dear, are a breath of fresh air. You had me at "talking about building your home and growing your own food."
Thank you lovely :)
I liked this article and it does resonate with me. I had dated alot but didn't meet the one til I was 37. My boyfriend and I will probably not get married. And I live on disability. I don't know if I really care to take a vow of poverty but disability is not much money. And it's ok. Alot of people have alot of head aches with a mortgage and credit cards. I live near Chinatown in Vancouver BC Canada.
And well I don't have as much friends as I did when I was younger. Just a few friends now and kinda a quiet life. I enjoy cooking. I should try to write more. We hope to adopt a dog in the next few years. I'm ok with not taking vacations and socializing. I've done alot in my life and had my fair share of adventures. I'm 41 now. Life is good.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience Leona :)
I love this, Molly! I think it's super important to not follow the crowd when it comes to relationships – and most things in life! Finding our own versions of romance or romantic gestures is the best, and it's so nice to create your own little traditions that actually mean something 😊 for example, my partner and I formed a civil partnership instead of got married. We had the tiniest, most budget friendly ceremony we could possibly have, and we don't regret it one bit! We also don't want children – it's entirely about making our own choices and asking ourselves what we truly want in life! xx
Thanks so much for sharing Leah, that's really reassuring to hear! And I'm sure your wee ceremony was just perfect :)
my husband and i got married in an arboretum with our two daughters and an officiant. we do not exchange gifts on traditional holidays, etc. we only buy each other useful gifts on our birthdays. i would forego that but it means a lot to him.
after 18 years together the best gifts we give each other are friendship, trust and kindness.
This is so lovely, thank you for sharing Jude :)
Your writing makes so much sense. When you know what you like, want and need, and are able to express it and live by it, it makes life feel just right. When I learned about the different love languages I liked the idea. My husband is far from big words and gifts. It's the small things, like making me a cup of tea, that he expresses his love through and this is perfect.
Yes you're so right! :)
I share your sentiments with flowers. I don’t have a lot of space and the vase just feels a bit in the way. I also feel like I’ve been given these beautiful flowers just for the purpose of watching them die in my house. Not fun. Like you, I prefer a low maintenance plant. And my partner knows not to bring me flowers. 💚
Very true, it can be quite stressful! :)
A simple gesture or a meaning-full glance say more than a ‘wow’ gift ever could. Good 🌅 morning
Very true :)
So much resonance with your words! My partner and I of seven years bypass a lot of the “shoulds” - Christmas/birthday gifts, Valentine’s Day, flowering etc. something about it all feels very performative and I adore the moments of love that flourish between us naturally (shared cups of tea, walking the dog to the beach for sunrise, his ability to make me laugh when I really need it, the random songs he makes up about me 😂) I love that love looks different for everyone.
This is so lovely to read, thank you for sharing!
This resonates with me so much! I’ve always wondered what my problem is because I love romantic movies and such, but even some of that makes me cringe. And if a guy tries a romantic gesture on a date, especially bringing flowers, I also run for the hills because I genuinely don’t like it. I find it way sexier if the guy just keeps his word and shows up on time, supports me, listens, talks like a genuine human being, and does little things rather than grand gestures. I’ve yet to meet someone who fits that description and I’ve run away from every guy so far who doesn’t, no matter how nice or “perfect” they are, and I think I now have a better understanding as to why. Your articles always seem to help me articulate something about myself that I could never fully put into words when trying to explain myself to people.
Aw I'm so glad you enjoyed this post and I'm sure there are many of us that both love and cringe at romance!
Don't buy me flowers, give me chocolates! :) I'm not a really romantic person in the sense of open doors or giving flowers type, but I'm a sucker for words. If you write me a poem (my husband did when he was courting me, I don't know how he knew how to get to my heart, he's not a writing person), or share with me your deepest thoughts and fears and dreams, all in words, I'm yours! But I do love a nice rom-com to ooh-ahh over, preferably with my girlfriends.
Aw a poem is such a thoughtful gesture! And yes, I'm all for a girlie night in with a rom com! :)
Such a thought-provoking post, Molly! My husband and I did a marriage prep course when we got married and learnt all about love languages. It turns out that ours are very different - mine is thoughtful gifts and affection, whereas his is being considerate around the house etc. If we hadn't learn that it would have been an issue, I think! Also, I don't like flowers because I get worried about them being cat-safe!
That course sounds fascinating and so useful!
What a wonderful topic to discuss and I am completely on board with your idea that overly grand romantic gestures are both cringe and a waste of time and money. I think this is also because it feels so impersonal. Anyone can pick up a bunch of flowers in a supermarket and call it “romantic” but all that shows is a lack of knowing what the receiver likes and rather a lack of imagination. If buying me something is a partners love language, but me the book you saw me looking at last week, buy me a vegetable plant I can grow food from, pick up my favourite cake from the bakery you know I love, allow me to peruse my own interests without putting restrictions on my time…that is so much more meaningful and shows that the thoughtfulness is there. That means more and is more “romantic” than any supermarket flower could ever be. Thank you for bringing this issue into the light, it’s certainly given me something to think about that perhaps I’ve known all along.
I couldn't agree more Rhiannon :)