The 8 fictional women who made me who I am today

The science behind character bonding

Hello, I’m Molly and I write about my slow and simple life in the Scottish Highlands. Subscribe for free to enjoy occasional posts from me. Or, better yet, join our slow community of kindred spirits to unlock ALL my content, including exclusive writing, videos and resources, to help you live the life you REALLY crave. We’d love you to join us for a cuppa…

I’ve never been somebody that’s needed a large group of friends.

My mother always jokes that, even back in preschool, I was always more of a ‘one friend at a time’ person.

Part of this, I’m sure, is due to my introverted nature as I seek deeper relationships and get overwhelmed with large groups of people and packed social schedules. But I also think books, like many areas of my life, play a big part in this decision.

Every novel I read presents the opportunity to meet someone new. To learn about their life and join them on adventures. Inevitably, many of these people have become friends.

These bonds with fictional characters run deep. Some, it turns out, have lasted a lifetime…

Science suggests that fictional characters act as avatars for ourselves. We are able to explore our feelings through them, even if they are living wildly different lives. The storytelling allows us to empathise with these characters and we see the world through their eyes.

Timothy Broom, a scientist from Ohio State University, explains that -

“When they think about a favourite fictional character, it appears similar in one part of the brain as when they are thinking about themselves.” It would seem what’s going on is that we identify with these characters to the extent that we—at least somewhat—become them.”

With this in mind, it makes sense that immersing ourselves in these narrative worlds, especially as children, can aid our self development, offering the same learning opportunities as interacting with real people does.

Parasocial relationships is the term used to describe this one-sided relationship we have with characters.

I find this science fascinating, so thought I would reflect on the stories, and the characters within them, that have had the biggest impact on me, both as a child and now as a woman in my 30’s.

Lets meet the women who made me who I am…

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Anne Shirely from Anne of Green Gables

L. M. Montgomery

Anne had to be the first character on this list. My ultimate kindred spirit.

A fellow red-headed daydreamer, my relationship with Anne started when we were both on the cusp of teenagerhood and has grown ever since.

We have our differences. Anne was an orphan, whereas I come from a close family with three brothers. Anne was messy and always getting into scrapes, whereas I was a more orderly, quiet child (this seems to have gone downhill as I’ve aged…).

Yet, it is our love of all things romantic that bonded us irrevocably. Both happiest amongst wild nature or within stories from far away lands, Anne taught me to embrace this side of me and celebrate the more mundane moments of life, even when things don’t go to plan.

I’m forever grateful to Anne for this.

“Perhaps, after all, romance did not come into one’s life with pomp and blare, like a gay knight riding down; perhaps it crept to one’s side like an old friend through quiet ways...”

Cathy Linton from Wuthering Heights

Emily Bronte

Another novel that shaped my teenage years and the start of my love affair with all things gothic.

(Read about my recent visit to the ‘real’ Wuthering Heights HERE).

Although Cathy may not be my favourite character to read, lacking the drama of Catherine and Heathcliff, for me, she is a symbol of hope.

Cathy took the best from both her parents. She still had fearlessness of her mother, but this is tempered by Edgar’s gentle nature. Although still capable of cruelty, as we saw from her early harsh words to Haerton, she taught me that you could be wild, strong and capable, but also be open-hearted and kind.

In fact, this turned out to be essential for Cathy’s eventual happy ending in what is otherwise a bleak story.

“Her spirit was high, though not rough, and qualified by a heart sensitive and lively to excess in its affections. That capacity for intense attachments reminded me of her mother: still she did not resemble her”

Eleanor from Eleanor Oliphant is completely fine

Gail Honeyman

The newest relationship on this list, I met Eleanor for the first time earlier this year.

On the face of it, we had next to nothing in common. Eleanor is from a dark and troubled background. When we meet her, she has no friends to speak of and spends her weekdays at her mundane job and weekends with two large bottles of vodka.

She has little grasp of social norms and says and does the wrong thing in almost every situation.

But I adored her. I laughed with her (she has some seriously funny lines) and sobbed until I thought my heart would break. I missed her deeply when her story finished.

This book demonstrated two things. The first being that you never stop learning from the people you meet in life (fictional or otherwise). The second, that you can learn the most from someone that is different from you in every conceivable way.

Eleanor taught me to hold my loved ones even closer. To never take them for granted or shut off my heart. Be brave enough to ask for help when I need it. But more than anything, she taught me to be myself, even when society isn’t quite ready for it.

“If I’m ever unsure of the best course of action, I’ll think, ‘What would a ferret do?’, ‘How would a salamander respond to this situation?’ Invariably, I find the right answer.”

Scarlett O Hara from Gone with the Wind

Margaret Mitchell

What I love about this list is that its packed with unquestionably flawed characters. Scarlett is a prime example.

Vain, selfish and shallow. This is the sort of character that should leave a bad taste in your mouth. In reality, you cannot help rooting for her.

If nothing else, you have to admire Scarlett’s bravery. She meets every adversary head on, even if her methods are dubious, and she always survives. I’ve channelled this bravery many times in my life.

Reading this as a young woman, this story taught me to question love and understand its complexities.

The person you think is the perfect fit for you, might not be suitable at all. Those you dismiss as brash and unfeeling, have the capability of loving deeply when given the chance. The people you think of as weak and tedious, might actually be the backbone of your entire life.

If I had to take one thing from Scarlett, it would be her unfailing determination. She will always get what she wants.

“I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.”

“I’m just trying to survive in a world that belongs to men.”

Cassandra Mortmain from I capture the castle

Dodie Smith

Oh Cassandra, how happy I was to meet you.

Again, this is a fairly new relationship after reading this novel for the first time last year.

From the famous first line - ‘I write this sitting in the kitchen sink’, I was in love with this bohemian family of oddballs and Cassandra as the most enchanting narrator.

This is a coming of age story as Cassandra, at 17 years old, experiences her first love and all the turmoil that goes with it.

But for me, this story was more about the importance of family. I adored the sibling bond between these two sisters and their complicated relationship with their writer father and ‘sometimes-model’ stepmother.

In the end, it was these ties that held strongest over the romantic love. A very poignant lesson that this books portrays beautifully.

“Perhaps watching someone you love suffer can teach you even more than suffering yourself can.”

Cassandra’s ability to laugh at herself is another noteworthy lesson with her sense of humour being one of the things I like best about her.

“It was so bad that I found myself going around and leaning against walls - I can’t think why misery makes me lean against walls, but it does.”

“I told her she couldn’t go on the streets in the depth of Suffolk.”

Jane from Jane Eyre

Charlotte Bronte

Another lesson from a Bronte sister.

Unlike many of the characters in her sister’s novel, Wuthering Heights, who often succumb to their ‘baser instincts’, Jane lives by her morals, even if this means sacrificing her happiness.

Yet, this doesn’t make her a boring character. Even though I found parts of this book frustrating, I cannot help but respect how Jane sticks to her values.

The wisdom I got from Jane was that, even if you are a quiet soul by nature, this doesn’t mean you don’t feel deeply, nor are you unfit to face the hardships of life.

I believe that she loved with all the passion of Catherine and Heathcliff. She just didn’t lose herself in the process.

“Do you think, because I am poor, obscure, plain, and little, I am soulless and heartless? You think wrong!”

Marianne Dashwood from Sense and Sensibility

Jane Austen

Marianne is not the Austen heroine that first springs to mind for most. Elizabeth Bennet (from Pride and Prejudice) remains a firm favourite for many. But when I first met Marianne, at the age of 16, she was the character that I felt an instant connection with.

Much like Anne, I adored Marianne’s romantic notions. I got completely swept up in her love affair with Willoughby. I poured over the same sonnets she loved and played the piano with even more gusto. I wanted to become her.

I championed Marianne’s wild abandon of decorum and empathised with her far more than with her more pragmatic elder sister, Eleonor.

Now I’m in my 30’s, I don’t think I’ll be finding myself pining in the torrential rain for my lost lover (even though this still gives me a romantic tingle), but I cherish that innocent part of myself who loved love.

Marianne taught me to love with all my heart. Even when it might get broken.

“Elinor," cried Marianne, "is this fair? is this just? are my ideas so scanty? But I see what you mean. I have been too much at my ease, too happy, too frank. I have erred against every common-place notion of decorum! I have been open and sincere where I ought to have been reserved, spiritless, dull, and deceitful. Had I talked only of the weather and the roads, and had I spoken only once in ten minutes, this reproach would have been spared.”

Alice from Alice’s adventures in Wonderland

Lewis Carroll

And then finally, we come to Alice. My first love.

Wonderland was my comfort blanket from a young age. I have a vivid memory of watching the 1999 real person adaptation on this film, whilst off sick from school, snuggled on the sofa and devouring a rather large tiger-bread cheese sandwich.

I finally got myself a copy of the book a couple of years ago and completely devoured it. It is the one novel I can imagine re-reading every year.

Alice taught me, alongside millions of other little girls, to be curious. To be open-minded. To seek out adventure and know that girls are more than capable of being the hero of their own story. We don’t need smelly boys to lead the way.

“If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense.”

I would LOVE to hear about the characters that have had an impact on your lives lovelies, so please do share them in the comments.

Until next time,

Molly xx

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