Amen to that! And while we’re on it, I think it’s worth reminding people that “No thanks” is a complete sentence. No one owes anyone an explanation for why they’re not drinking. I am essentially teetotal not for any moral reasons or any issues with alcohol but because I don’t like how it makes me feel. But every time I go on a work night out, people ask why I’m not drinking. I have no qualms in saying I just don’t like it (the hangxiety is absolutely not worth it) but there are so many people for whom it’s an incredibly awkward conversation. The contents of our glasses are no one’s business but our own. 💚
Good on you. I'm 77 and have drunk very little alcohol though not Teatotal. I can't remeber the last time I had a drink probably last Christmas, then only because someone bought me one. The advantages of been a Yorkshireman with long pockets. When I was working alongside the Police I was invited to attend a WET CENTRE where down and out homeless drunks go during the day to drink themselves into oblivion. I was researching the reasons why so many end up like this. When I spoke to thirty five year olds who I thought looked like a sixty year old, I was told it was due to the drink. So Molly you'll stay looking young if you keep off the bottle. Mind you being a virtual non drinker has not done a lot for my looks but it's what you are inside that matters. KEEP WRITING.
It's been three years for me as well. A natural, organic slow down during lockdown turned into months and then years. This was in my late forties after a lifetime of habitual drinking learned at my mother's and grandmother's knees. I wish I'd stopped sooner. I commend you for doing so. It's one of the most transformative choices I've made (along with veganism). I am finding more and more of my fifty something peers are ditching the drink. It's absolutely the way of the future.
I’ve been sober for almost 12 years (I’m 31), and I can honestly say that I’ll never have another drink again. I’ve been exploring my neurodiversity and I believe alcohol was a huge factor in my life when I was younger because I used it to mask and fit in. I love that I’ve found a community of similar folks here 🥰
I love this Molly. I'm not teetotal but I am, on the whole, sober and have only had three alcoholic drinks all year. For me, no feeling of being drunk will ever make up for how diabolical I feel the next day. The anxiety, the icky feeling in my stomach, the dehydration in my skin and hair... I'll take a hardddd pass thank you!
I agree with you Molly. I’m 77 and although I was never much of a drinker, a couple at the weekend and no more, I always, always, got a severe headache. I decided about 15 years ago that I wasn’t going to drink alcohol again. I still go out with friends and socialise, but always have a soft drink. In fact, most of my friends don’t drink either and none of us smoke. We still enjoy ourselves! Really enjoy your vlogs on Sunday Molly. Love to Skye ❤️x
Thank you, Molly for your honesty. If I could turn the clock back, I would never touch alcohol. My parents did not drink, but when I reached my teens – having grown up in a town where there was little to do socially – I started going to pubs to meet friends. In those days most pubs turned a blind eye to underage drinking.
Like you, I initially hated the taste, but drank to fit in with my friends. My best friends at the time seemed to be able to drink without effect, but I hated the way it made me feel. I also placed myself in very dangerous situations, such as walking home alone at night whilst being drunk and vulnerable.
Later in my 20s, I continued to drink socially and also to feel less inhibited around large groups of people.
It wasn’t until I reached my early 40s that I suddenly questioned why I was drinking stuff that I didn’t enjoy, just to fit in with people. I started to say no and I was really surprised at the insistence of people placing an alcoholic drink in my hand, even after I had politely declined. When I started to say to people that I had stopped drinking, some became quite assertive – aggressive even.
I also found – and still do find when I explain to people that I don’t want to drink alcohol - that they almost always become defensive and start saying things like “oh I don’t really drink that much” and then proceeded to explain to me how few glasses of alcohol they drink per week. As if I care! I am not judging people and their drinking habits, just choosing my own path.
I have found, even as an adult, that it takes a degree of courage to be counter cultural in a society where everything seems to be focused around ‘a bottle of wine’.
I can completely relate to this defensiveness. I've had similar experiences when the fact that I'm vegan or live more minimally come up, but I've learnt that this is entirely about the other person and nothing at all personal, so I've stopped taking it that way. Surrounding myself with like-minded souls has really helped of course :)
I wouldn't say I'm teetotal, but I haven't drunk for about six months and before then it was very infrequently socially. Agree with your 'why I don't miss it' list, top of my list is if I have a drink I can't stay awake to read before bed 😂
I can absolutely believe this., though I had a slightly reverse experience. I didn’t drink as a teenager and never went to a traditional uni, so never had that experience. I grew up with stories of my great grandmother (who came from a family of wine merchants) who, by today’s standards, was an alcoholic. This, combined with the ‘binge drinking’ culture of the time, meant I found the whole idea of alcohol repulsive. I didn’t drink anything until my mid-30s. Now I enjoy a G&T or a glass of sherry maybe once or twice a month at best. I enjoy the taste, and it is, to me, just another drink…but I could just as easily live without it.
Happy for you! We shouldn't need to justify not drinking, and there is no reason to do something that's not great for your health if you get nothing out of it!
Personally, I am a highly introverted & slightly awkward person, but I do like to go out in the evening occasionally and chat to people. I just find it very hard. I consciously use a little alcohol as a "trick" to relax more in these social situations. I am at peace with that - social life in general is more difficult if you're very introverted, on the autism spectrum, highly sensitive etc., and I don't see an issue with making it easier for myself a few times a year.
That list rings so true! Often, I'm struck by the things I tolerated in my younger years (dingy bars with sticky floors being pretty close to the top of that list...ew!) Enjoyed reading this, Molly. Thanks for sharing it!
I drink very little and am usually the designated driver, which people accept straight away. The alcohol alternatives are always so sugary and disgusting that I end up with sparkling water with ice and lemon. Some people think it must be a G&T and others don't care! I never drink sparkling water at home so it feels like a treat when I'm out!!
I love what we do here in Italy: aperitivo. Some do it everyday, others less. Anyway is a very balanced way to drink: on Sunday mornings or when we get out of work in the afternoon, we drink just one or two glasses of wine, beer or spritz (no spirits) sitting at a nice bar with friends, talk about the day, be social, laugh. Then we go home, we are not drunk but we had a glass of good wine and recharged our social-battery.
I haven’t had drop of alcohol in 8 months (tomorrow!) - I am still trying to make sense of my history with alcohol, and how I got here (I never ever ever thought I could be alcohol free) … and now, I am staring down my first (in my adult life) sober Christmas/New Years and honestly reading pieces like this help so much! I also enjoy reading Emma's take on alcohol free life. Thank you Molly for providing such a relatable insight into the calm a sober life can bring.
Amen to that! And while we’re on it, I think it’s worth reminding people that “No thanks” is a complete sentence. No one owes anyone an explanation for why they’re not drinking. I am essentially teetotal not for any moral reasons or any issues with alcohol but because I don’t like how it makes me feel. But every time I go on a work night out, people ask why I’m not drinking. I have no qualms in saying I just don’t like it (the hangxiety is absolutely not worth it) but there are so many people for whom it’s an incredibly awkward conversation. The contents of our glasses are no one’s business but our own. 💚
I couldn't agree more!
Good on you. I'm 77 and have drunk very little alcohol though not Teatotal. I can't remeber the last time I had a drink probably last Christmas, then only because someone bought me one. The advantages of been a Yorkshireman with long pockets. When I was working alongside the Police I was invited to attend a WET CENTRE where down and out homeless drunks go during the day to drink themselves into oblivion. I was researching the reasons why so many end up like this. When I spoke to thirty five year olds who I thought looked like a sixty year old, I was told it was due to the drink. So Molly you'll stay looking young if you keep off the bottle. Mind you being a virtual non drinker has not done a lot for my looks but it's what you are inside that matters. KEEP WRITING.
Thank you for your encouragement Keith!
I loved this!!! Celebrating my 4th year of sobriety this March. Such a lovely journey to be on parallel paths!!
That's amazing Sarah, congrats! :)
It's been three years for me as well. A natural, organic slow down during lockdown turned into months and then years. This was in my late forties after a lifetime of habitual drinking learned at my mother's and grandmother's knees. I wish I'd stopped sooner. I commend you for doing so. It's one of the most transformative choices I've made (along with veganism). I am finding more and more of my fifty something peers are ditching the drink. It's absolutely the way of the future.
That's so interesting! I feel the same with my peers. The world does feel like its shifting :)
I’ve been sober for almost 12 years (I’m 31), and I can honestly say that I’ll never have another drink again. I’ve been exploring my neurodiversity and I believe alcohol was a huge factor in my life when I was younger because I used it to mask and fit in. I love that I’ve found a community of similar folks here 🥰
Wow Sophie, that is amazing. And your reflections are so interesting. I'm sure many people here can relate! :)
I love this Molly. I'm not teetotal but I am, on the whole, sober and have only had three alcoholic drinks all year. For me, no feeling of being drunk will ever make up for how diabolical I feel the next day. The anxiety, the icky feeling in my stomach, the dehydration in my skin and hair... I'll take a hardddd pass thank you!
Yes, I agree and so glad I learnt to listen to my body first! :)
Love this, Molly! I am five years sober in December ❤️
I agree with you Molly. I’m 77 and although I was never much of a drinker, a couple at the weekend and no more, I always, always, got a severe headache. I decided about 15 years ago that I wasn’t going to drink alcohol again. I still go out with friends and socialise, but always have a soft drink. In fact, most of my friends don’t drink either and none of us smoke. We still enjoy ourselves! Really enjoy your vlogs on Sunday Molly. Love to Skye ❤️x
That's so wonderful to heat your experience Ann. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you, Molly for your honesty. If I could turn the clock back, I would never touch alcohol. My parents did not drink, but when I reached my teens – having grown up in a town where there was little to do socially – I started going to pubs to meet friends. In those days most pubs turned a blind eye to underage drinking.
Like you, I initially hated the taste, but drank to fit in with my friends. My best friends at the time seemed to be able to drink without effect, but I hated the way it made me feel. I also placed myself in very dangerous situations, such as walking home alone at night whilst being drunk and vulnerable.
Later in my 20s, I continued to drink socially and also to feel less inhibited around large groups of people.
It wasn’t until I reached my early 40s that I suddenly questioned why I was drinking stuff that I didn’t enjoy, just to fit in with people. I started to say no and I was really surprised at the insistence of people placing an alcoholic drink in my hand, even after I had politely declined. When I started to say to people that I had stopped drinking, some became quite assertive – aggressive even.
I also found – and still do find when I explain to people that I don’t want to drink alcohol - that they almost always become defensive and start saying things like “oh I don’t really drink that much” and then proceeded to explain to me how few glasses of alcohol they drink per week. As if I care! I am not judging people and their drinking habits, just choosing my own path.
I have found, even as an adult, that it takes a degree of courage to be counter cultural in a society where everything seems to be focused around ‘a bottle of wine’.
I can completely relate to this defensiveness. I've had similar experiences when the fact that I'm vegan or live more minimally come up, but I've learnt that this is entirely about the other person and nothing at all personal, so I've stopped taking it that way. Surrounding myself with like-minded souls has really helped of course :)
I wouldn't say I'm teetotal, but I haven't drunk for about six months and before then it was very infrequently socially. Agree with your 'why I don't miss it' list, top of my list is if I have a drink I can't stay awake to read before bed 😂
Well that is a very important reason!
I can absolutely believe this., though I had a slightly reverse experience. I didn’t drink as a teenager and never went to a traditional uni, so never had that experience. I grew up with stories of my great grandmother (who came from a family of wine merchants) who, by today’s standards, was an alcoholic. This, combined with the ‘binge drinking’ culture of the time, meant I found the whole idea of alcohol repulsive. I didn’t drink anything until my mid-30s. Now I enjoy a G&T or a glass of sherry maybe once or twice a month at best. I enjoy the taste, and it is, to me, just another drink…but I could just as easily live without it.
So interesting to read this, thank you for sharing David :)
Happy for you! We shouldn't need to justify not drinking, and there is no reason to do something that's not great for your health if you get nothing out of it!
Personally, I am a highly introverted & slightly awkward person, but I do like to go out in the evening occasionally and chat to people. I just find it very hard. I consciously use a little alcohol as a "trick" to relax more in these social situations. I am at peace with that - social life in general is more difficult if you're very introverted, on the autism spectrum, highly sensitive etc., and I don't see an issue with making it easier for myself a few times a year.
As a fellow introvert, I completely understand that Clara :)
That list rings so true! Often, I'm struck by the things I tolerated in my younger years (dingy bars with sticky floors being pretty close to the top of that list...ew!) Enjoyed reading this, Molly. Thanks for sharing it!
So glad you enjoyed Katie! :)
I drink very little and am usually the designated driver, which people accept straight away. The alcohol alternatives are always so sugary and disgusting that I end up with sparkling water with ice and lemon. Some people think it must be a G&T and others don't care! I never drink sparkling water at home so it feels like a treat when I'm out!!
Haha, I'm the same, I love sparkling water as a treat!
I love what we do here in Italy: aperitivo. Some do it everyday, others less. Anyway is a very balanced way to drink: on Sunday mornings or when we get out of work in the afternoon, we drink just one or two glasses of wine, beer or spritz (no spirits) sitting at a nice bar with friends, talk about the day, be social, laugh. Then we go home, we are not drunk but we had a glass of good wine and recharged our social-battery.
That does sound very civilised! :)
I haven’t had drop of alcohol in 8 months (tomorrow!) - I am still trying to make sense of my history with alcohol, and how I got here (I never ever ever thought I could be alcohol free) … and now, I am staring down my first (in my adult life) sober Christmas/New Years and honestly reading pieces like this help so much! I also enjoy reading Emma's take on alcohol free life. Thank you Molly for providing such a relatable insight into the calm a sober life can bring.
That's amazing Emily! I'm so glad you found this piece helpful. Once you get the first festive season behind you, it gets far easier! :)