Amen to that! And while we’re on it, I think it’s worth reminding people that “No thanks” is a complete sentence. No one owes anyone an explanation for why they’re not drinking. I am essentially teetotal not for any moral reasons or any issues with alcohol but because I don’t like how it makes me feel. But every time I go on a work night out, people ask why I’m not drinking. I have no qualms in saying I just don’t like it (the hangxiety is absolutely not worth it) but there are so many people for whom it’s an incredibly awkward conversation. The contents of our glasses are no one’s business but our own. 💚
Good on you. I'm 77 and have drunk very little alcohol though not Teatotal. I can't remeber the last time I had a drink probably last Christmas, then only because someone bought me one. The advantages of been a Yorkshireman with long pockets. When I was working alongside the Police I was invited to attend a WET CENTRE where down and out homeless drunks go during the day to drink themselves into oblivion. I was researching the reasons why so many end up like this. When I spoke to thirty five year olds who I thought looked like a sixty year old, I was told it was due to the drink. So Molly you'll stay looking young if you keep off the bottle. Mind you being a virtual non drinker has not done a lot for my looks but it's what you are inside that matters. KEEP WRITING.
It's been three years for me as well. A natural, organic slow down during lockdown turned into months and then years. This was in my late forties after a lifetime of habitual drinking learned at my mother's and grandmother's knees. I wish I'd stopped sooner. I commend you for doing so. It's one of the most transformative choices I've made (along with veganism). I am finding more and more of my fifty something peers are ditching the drink. It's absolutely the way of the future.
I’ve been sober for almost 12 years (I’m 31), and I can honestly say that I’ll never have another drink again. I’ve been exploring my neurodiversity and I believe alcohol was a huge factor in my life when I was younger because I used it to mask and fit in. I love that I’ve found a community of similar folks here 🥰
Thank you, Molly for your honesty. If I could turn the clock back, I would never touch alcohol. My parents did not drink, but when I reached my teens – having grown up in a town where there was little to do socially – I started going to pubs to meet friends. In those days most pubs turned a blind eye to underage drinking.
Like you, I initially hated the taste, but drank to fit in with my friends. My best friends at the time seemed to be able to drink without effect, but I hated the way it made me feel. I also placed myself in very dangerous situations, such as walking home alone at night whilst being drunk and vulnerable.
Later in my 20s, I continued to drink socially and also to feel less inhibited around large groups of people.
It wasn’t until I reached my early 40s that I suddenly questioned why I was drinking stuff that I didn’t enjoy, just to fit in with people. I started to say no and I was really surprised at the insistence of people placing an alcoholic drink in my hand, even after I had politely declined. When I started to say to people that I had stopped drinking, some became quite assertive – aggressive even.
I also found – and still do find when I explain to people that I don’t want to drink alcohol - that they almost always become defensive and start saying things like “oh I don’t really drink that much” and then proceeded to explain to me how few glasses of alcohol they drink per week. As if I care! I am not judging people and their drinking habits, just choosing my own path.
I have found, even as an adult, that it takes a degree of courage to be counter cultural in a society where everything seems to be focused around ‘a bottle of wine’.
I can completely relate to this defensiveness. I've had similar experiences when the fact that I'm vegan or live more minimally come up, but I've learnt that this is entirely about the other person and nothing at all personal, so I've stopped taking it that way. Surrounding myself with like-minded souls has really helped of course :)
I love this Molly. I'm not teetotal but I am, on the whole, sober and have only had three alcoholic drinks all year. For me, no feeling of being drunk will ever make up for how diabolical I feel the next day. The anxiety, the icky feeling in my stomach, the dehydration in my skin and hair... I'll take a hardddd pass thank you!
I agree with you Molly. I’m 77 and although I was never much of a drinker, a couple at the weekend and no more, I always, always, got a severe headache. I decided about 15 years ago that I wasn’t going to drink alcohol again. I still go out with friends and socialise, but always have a soft drink. In fact, most of my friends don’t drink either and none of us smoke. We still enjoy ourselves! Really enjoy your vlogs on Sunday Molly. Love to Skye ❤️x
That list rings so true! Often, I'm struck by the things I tolerated in my younger years (dingy bars with sticky floors being pretty close to the top of that list...ew!) Enjoyed reading this, Molly. Thanks for sharing it!
I can absolutely believe this., though I had a slightly reverse experience. I didn’t drink as a teenager and never went to a traditional uni, so never had that experience. I grew up with stories of my great grandmother (who came from a family of wine merchants) who, by today’s standards, was an alcoholic. This, combined with the ‘binge drinking’ culture of the time, meant I found the whole idea of alcohol repulsive. I didn’t drink anything until my mid-30s. Now I enjoy a G&T or a glass of sherry maybe once or twice a month at best. I enjoy the taste, and it is, to me, just another drink…but I could just as easily live without it.
I wouldn't say I'm teetotal, but I haven't drunk for about six months and before then it was very infrequently socially. Agree with your 'why I don't miss it' list, top of my list is if I have a drink I can't stay awake to read before bed 😂
I haven’t had drop of alcohol in 8 months (tomorrow!) - I am still trying to make sense of my history with alcohol, and how I got here (I never ever ever thought I could be alcohol free) … and now, I am staring down my first (in my adult life) sober Christmas/New Years and honestly reading pieces like this help so much! I also enjoy reading Emma's take on alcohol free life. Thank you Molly for providing such a relatable insight into the calm a sober life can bring.
It’s lovely to meet you too. Thank you so much for your immediate reply. I wasn’t expecting that, but am thrilled and motivated by it. Thank you! 🤩. I will heed it properly and work on it. Thank you so much. Xxx
Emily, (Molly Ella’s account came up as suggested to me today…..I read…….and found my way here…..) I’m genuinely interested to know how/if you made it through Christmas/New Year without alcohol. ???? I’m in my late 40’s, I have such a hideously skewed relationship with alcohol. Managed the “100 days free” once, non pregnant (I 100% had no problem not drinking in my pregnancies, it is as I’ve got older that the frequency and regularity with which I drink, has increased). Alcoholism is in my genes on both parents side. I don’t feel that I’m an alcoholic but I feel that I am dependent on it. I genuinely love the taste, the hit, the high, the feel, to the point where I genuinely cannot envisage an alcohol free life for myself. I’m drawn to all things “alcohol free”, yet I’m terrified and paralysed to actually attempt to be alcohol free. 🥲
Hi Maria 👋 it's nice to meet you here 🙏 well... I did make it through New Years and Christmas alcohol free ... ! Something I genuinely never thought I'd be able to say. I have similar family history, but also like you, I always felt more dependent than addicted.
I would say .. take the pressure off ... Just focus on cutting down. I think absolutes can be really hard and then if you struggle or have a drink, it's so easier to fall into the 'failed' mentality.
Telling people helped, sometimes even ahead of meeting them, and having plenty of really nice and exciting alcohol free drinks (and like for like alcohol free options) to drink with people and over the festive period was a must.
I do think if you are intrigued by sober life just be open to it and see how you go ... I really recommend The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray.
I started to feel really curious about sober life last year, and I just followed my instincts and in March I will be one year sober. I'm not sure what happens beyond March tbh .. I was always focused on getting to one year. But I know that you can make the rules, you can follow your curiosity and see where it leads. I'm always here if you want to talk too. 🙏💕
I appreciate your candor, and am thrilled you've found such joy without wee drams. I am almost at a 2 year "no drinking" anniversary. I have lost multiple family members to alcohol abuse disorder, and have quit for long ish periods a few times now. I've been lucky enough to not get into big trouble with alcohol, and my life feels like magic without it. I intend to never go back, and especially because there are indicators in my ancestry that I may have a medical component predisposition to drinking. So yeah, here's to it and I appreciate you, and the happiness we may both find in sober living.
Thanks Molly great post. And think of all of the money you can save as alcohol is very expensive! I don't drink either, nor does my husband. Neither of us like the feeling the next morning, even when having one drink! I now avoid sugar as I was finding it was causing inflammation in my body. Though I do have it naturally when it occurs in the blueberries, strawberries and bananas that I have. The interesting thing is that the body does adapt to not having alcohol and sugar.
I drink very little and am usually the designated driver, which people accept straight away. The alcohol alternatives are always so sugary and disgusting that I end up with sparkling water with ice and lemon. Some people think it must be a G&T and others don't care! I never drink sparkling water at home so it feels like a treat when I'm out!!
Amen to that! And while we’re on it, I think it’s worth reminding people that “No thanks” is a complete sentence. No one owes anyone an explanation for why they’re not drinking. I am essentially teetotal not for any moral reasons or any issues with alcohol but because I don’t like how it makes me feel. But every time I go on a work night out, people ask why I’m not drinking. I have no qualms in saying I just don’t like it (the hangxiety is absolutely not worth it) but there are so many people for whom it’s an incredibly awkward conversation. The contents of our glasses are no one’s business but our own. 💚
I couldn't agree more!
Good on you. I'm 77 and have drunk very little alcohol though not Teatotal. I can't remeber the last time I had a drink probably last Christmas, then only because someone bought me one. The advantages of been a Yorkshireman with long pockets. When I was working alongside the Police I was invited to attend a WET CENTRE where down and out homeless drunks go during the day to drink themselves into oblivion. I was researching the reasons why so many end up like this. When I spoke to thirty five year olds who I thought looked like a sixty year old, I was told it was due to the drink. So Molly you'll stay looking young if you keep off the bottle. Mind you being a virtual non drinker has not done a lot for my looks but it's what you are inside that matters. KEEP WRITING.
Thank you for your encouragement Keith!
I loved this!!! Celebrating my 4th year of sobriety this March. Such a lovely journey to be on parallel paths!!
That's amazing Sarah, congrats! :)
It's been three years for me as well. A natural, organic slow down during lockdown turned into months and then years. This was in my late forties after a lifetime of habitual drinking learned at my mother's and grandmother's knees. I wish I'd stopped sooner. I commend you for doing so. It's one of the most transformative choices I've made (along with veganism). I am finding more and more of my fifty something peers are ditching the drink. It's absolutely the way of the future.
That's so interesting! I feel the same with my peers. The world does feel like its shifting :)
I’ve been sober for almost 12 years (I’m 31), and I can honestly say that I’ll never have another drink again. I’ve been exploring my neurodiversity and I believe alcohol was a huge factor in my life when I was younger because I used it to mask and fit in. I love that I’ve found a community of similar folks here 🥰
Wow Sophie, that is amazing. And your reflections are so interesting. I'm sure many people here can relate! :)
Thank you, Molly for your honesty. If I could turn the clock back, I would never touch alcohol. My parents did not drink, but when I reached my teens – having grown up in a town where there was little to do socially – I started going to pubs to meet friends. In those days most pubs turned a blind eye to underage drinking.
Like you, I initially hated the taste, but drank to fit in with my friends. My best friends at the time seemed to be able to drink without effect, but I hated the way it made me feel. I also placed myself in very dangerous situations, such as walking home alone at night whilst being drunk and vulnerable.
Later in my 20s, I continued to drink socially and also to feel less inhibited around large groups of people.
It wasn’t until I reached my early 40s that I suddenly questioned why I was drinking stuff that I didn’t enjoy, just to fit in with people. I started to say no and I was really surprised at the insistence of people placing an alcoholic drink in my hand, even after I had politely declined. When I started to say to people that I had stopped drinking, some became quite assertive – aggressive even.
I also found – and still do find when I explain to people that I don’t want to drink alcohol - that they almost always become defensive and start saying things like “oh I don’t really drink that much” and then proceeded to explain to me how few glasses of alcohol they drink per week. As if I care! I am not judging people and their drinking habits, just choosing my own path.
I have found, even as an adult, that it takes a degree of courage to be counter cultural in a society where everything seems to be focused around ‘a bottle of wine’.
I can completely relate to this defensiveness. I've had similar experiences when the fact that I'm vegan or live more minimally come up, but I've learnt that this is entirely about the other person and nothing at all personal, so I've stopped taking it that way. Surrounding myself with like-minded souls has really helped of course :)
Love this, Molly! I am five years sober in December ❤️
I love this Molly. I'm not teetotal but I am, on the whole, sober and have only had three alcoholic drinks all year. For me, no feeling of being drunk will ever make up for how diabolical I feel the next day. The anxiety, the icky feeling in my stomach, the dehydration in my skin and hair... I'll take a hardddd pass thank you!
Yes, I agree and so glad I learnt to listen to my body first! :)
I agree with you Molly. I’m 77 and although I was never much of a drinker, a couple at the weekend and no more, I always, always, got a severe headache. I decided about 15 years ago that I wasn’t going to drink alcohol again. I still go out with friends and socialise, but always have a soft drink. In fact, most of my friends don’t drink either and none of us smoke. We still enjoy ourselves! Really enjoy your vlogs on Sunday Molly. Love to Skye ❤️x
That's so wonderful to heat your experience Ann. Thank you for sharing!
That list rings so true! Often, I'm struck by the things I tolerated in my younger years (dingy bars with sticky floors being pretty close to the top of that list...ew!) Enjoyed reading this, Molly. Thanks for sharing it!
So glad you enjoyed Katie! :)
I can absolutely believe this., though I had a slightly reverse experience. I didn’t drink as a teenager and never went to a traditional uni, so never had that experience. I grew up with stories of my great grandmother (who came from a family of wine merchants) who, by today’s standards, was an alcoholic. This, combined with the ‘binge drinking’ culture of the time, meant I found the whole idea of alcohol repulsive. I didn’t drink anything until my mid-30s. Now I enjoy a G&T or a glass of sherry maybe once or twice a month at best. I enjoy the taste, and it is, to me, just another drink…but I could just as easily live without it.
So interesting to read this, thank you for sharing David :)
I wouldn't say I'm teetotal, but I haven't drunk for about six months and before then it was very infrequently socially. Agree with your 'why I don't miss it' list, top of my list is if I have a drink I can't stay awake to read before bed 😂
Well that is a very important reason!
I haven’t had drop of alcohol in 8 months (tomorrow!) - I am still trying to make sense of my history with alcohol, and how I got here (I never ever ever thought I could be alcohol free) … and now, I am staring down my first (in my adult life) sober Christmas/New Years and honestly reading pieces like this help so much! I also enjoy reading Emma's take on alcohol free life. Thank you Molly for providing such a relatable insight into the calm a sober life can bring.
That's amazing Emily! I'm so glad you found this piece helpful. Once you get the first festive season behind you, it gets far easier! :)
It’s lovely to meet you too. Thank you so much for your immediate reply. I wasn’t expecting that, but am thrilled and motivated by it. Thank you! 🤩. I will heed it properly and work on it. Thank you so much. Xxx
Emily, (Molly Ella’s account came up as suggested to me today…..I read…….and found my way here…..) I’m genuinely interested to know how/if you made it through Christmas/New Year without alcohol. ???? I’m in my late 40’s, I have such a hideously skewed relationship with alcohol. Managed the “100 days free” once, non pregnant (I 100% had no problem not drinking in my pregnancies, it is as I’ve got older that the frequency and regularity with which I drink, has increased). Alcoholism is in my genes on both parents side. I don’t feel that I’m an alcoholic but I feel that I am dependent on it. I genuinely love the taste, the hit, the high, the feel, to the point where I genuinely cannot envisage an alcohol free life for myself. I’m drawn to all things “alcohol free”, yet I’m terrified and paralysed to actually attempt to be alcohol free. 🥲
Hi Maria 👋 it's nice to meet you here 🙏 well... I did make it through New Years and Christmas alcohol free ... ! Something I genuinely never thought I'd be able to say. I have similar family history, but also like you, I always felt more dependent than addicted.
I would say .. take the pressure off ... Just focus on cutting down. I think absolutes can be really hard and then if you struggle or have a drink, it's so easier to fall into the 'failed' mentality.
Telling people helped, sometimes even ahead of meeting them, and having plenty of really nice and exciting alcohol free drinks (and like for like alcohol free options) to drink with people and over the festive period was a must.
I do think if you are intrigued by sober life just be open to it and see how you go ... I really recommend The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray.
I started to feel really curious about sober life last year, and I just followed my instincts and in March I will be one year sober. I'm not sure what happens beyond March tbh .. I was always focused on getting to one year. But I know that you can make the rules, you can follow your curiosity and see where it leads. I'm always here if you want to talk too. 🙏💕
I appreciate your candor, and am thrilled you've found such joy without wee drams. I am almost at a 2 year "no drinking" anniversary. I have lost multiple family members to alcohol abuse disorder, and have quit for long ish periods a few times now. I've been lucky enough to not get into big trouble with alcohol, and my life feels like magic without it. I intend to never go back, and especially because there are indicators in my ancestry that I may have a medical component predisposition to drinking. So yeah, here's to it and I appreciate you, and the happiness we may both find in sober living.
Thank you so much for sharing lovely. And of course condolences for your family losses. Alcohol really can have a devasting impact on families 💌
Thanks Molly great post. And think of all of the money you can save as alcohol is very expensive! I don't drink either, nor does my husband. Neither of us like the feeling the next morning, even when having one drink! I now avoid sugar as I was finding it was causing inflammation in my body. Though I do have it naturally when it occurs in the blueberries, strawberries and bananas that I have. The interesting thing is that the body does adapt to not having alcohol and sugar.
Yes, I've found the same as I've also cut down sugar over the last couple of years and its amazing how quickly my body adapts and stops craving it :)
I drink very little and am usually the designated driver, which people accept straight away. The alcohol alternatives are always so sugary and disgusting that I end up with sparkling water with ice and lemon. Some people think it must be a G&T and others don't care! I never drink sparkling water at home so it feels like a treat when I'm out!!
Haha, I'm the same, I love sparkling water as a treat!