Why I'm afraid of being 'too perfect'

Its time for us to stop lying...

Hello, I’m Molly and I write about my slow and simple life in the Scottish Highlands. Please subscribe to support my work and if you want to read more of my stories. You can also find me on YouTube and shop my Slow Scottish Store and sustainable Teemill Clothing.

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I was lying. Again.

It was a simple question. Nothing appeared loaded. No harm was intended. A colleague had merely asked what time I normally get up in the morning. They were curious after I’d mentioned what I had already achieved that day (by 9.30am).

The real time was 5am, which is my typical wake up time. But instead I found myself saying 6am. This seemed more relatable. I didn’t need to worry about showing off. A nod of approval for this socially acceptable answer was my reward for this lie. The cycle continues.

This was not always my way. I had a different kind of upbringing as I was home educated from the age of 14. I’d managed to swerve the majority of the high-school years, when peer pressure and the obsession of fitting in is at its most potent.

This meant that I was happy to share my achievements. I was always kind when I did so. It never felt like ‘showing off’. We were a family to celebrate every kind of small win. I was taken out for tea and cake after every exam, as opposed to only getting rewarded for good grades. It was the effort that mattered, not the result.

Being home-educated also meant I had limited opportunity to compare myself to my peers. I only had to focus on my own education. This all changed when I went to university.

This is when I started to realise that I wasn’t the same as everyone else. That loving learning, always putting in my best for every assignment and never handing in anything late, was not the norm.

This is when the lying began.

Not wanting to be a social outsider, I joined in the friendly banter about having to write an assignment in one night. Or the mad rush to hand in our dissertations, despite the fact that I’d handed mine in a week ahead of the deadline.

My mindset was so skewed that I remember feeling humiliated when I was complimented by a lecturer on front of my peers for being the only one to get an assignment in early. I could feel all their eyes on me and just wanted to disappear. Biting the inside of my cheek to stop myself from crying.

The lying continued into my career.

I felt a huge amount of pressure to measure up when I got my current role in wildlife conservation. I’d really had to fight for it. Being only 25, at the beginning of my career in this industry, I knew they’d taken a leap of faith by choosing me. I was terrified of letting them down.

So I stepped up. I quickly got a handle on the role and felt I was making good progress. But there was an issue with this.

I kept getting the same comments again and again. Surprised colleagues almost making fun of how quickly and thoroughly I responded to my work tasks. I could sense the barb in these words. Apparently, this was not the done thing.

In response, I started slowing down. Deliberately holding back work that had been finished long ago, to submit it at a more socially acceptable time. Never broadcasting my achievements. I felt my voice get quieter and quieter.

In the end, downplaying my success helped no-one and could have cost me my career.

Over the years, I’ve noticed that I am not the only one to downplay my achievements. Sadly, I almost always see this in other women rather than men. It seems to be our default.

Worryingly, research indicates that its not a lack of confidence that leads to women avoiding self-promotion, but rather the fear of a ‘backlash’, with perceived social consequences.

I’ve experienced this backlash all too often.

I live much of my life away from the norm. I find myself able to do many things that others can struggle with.

I get up at 5am every day, work out consistently, eat a healthy plant-based diet, with meals often cooked from scratch. I’m able to resist adverts and impulse spending and actively save money. My home is almost always clean and tidy. I’ve left social media, limit my screen time and indulge in mindful hobbies like reading and yoga.

Essentially, I am a highly disciplined and capable individual. Apparently, this is not acceptable.

I hear the same responses again and again. Other’s try and undermine me by picking holes in how I chose to live. Or feel the need to give a lengthy argument as to why they also can’t live this way. Despite the fact I never asked. All I did was politely refuse a non-vegan chocolate biscuit…

Then, I started my business. This is when it all changed.

Through my brand, Hippy Highland Living, I was able to share my life online. I decided early on that, for once, I was going to be honest.

I was terrified at first. I still get a fluttery belly now and again. But slowly, over time, I’ve started to embrace the person I truly am. Being ‘too perfect’ was nothing to be ashamed off.

The responses I’ve gotten for this honesty have been staggering. By sharing my life, I’ve fundamentally changed others. I’m achieving what I wanted all along. Empowering other’s to live their best life. A complete privilege.

Yes, I still get lengthy comments that seek to undermine or explain why they can’t do this that and the other. I always respond with patience and kindness. But I won’t let this change how I chose to live and share my life.

This experience has taught me how essential it is for us to stop hiding. Start being honest. Enjoy every achievement. Reward yourself. Be proud.

You will be happier for it.

I’d love to know if any of you can relate to this, so please do comment below.

Until next week,

Molly xx