I've never watched anything on Tik Tok so I'm not aware of the 'that girl' trend, but I suspect that most of what people see isn't the same as what goes on behind the cameras. The 'pretty' aesthetic is probably all staged, like many Instagram and other social media shoots, whilst the reality is their lives and homes are as messy and disorganised as our own. What we really want is authenticity which is what your posts convey.
A lot of these trends focus on doing and not being. Personally I don’t journal. I’m a 50 plus woman so all this before I go into work for 8. No thanks. I go a walk after work, wee bit of yoga, read a book and rest. It’s also good to be bored. Don’t get me started on the skincare stuff. You have toner that rips of all the good stuff on your skin, then you need to moisturise to put the barrier back you just ripped off. Don’t forget to spend money getting a different set of stuff for the evening and oh different stuff for your eyes etc etc. The trend targets women and their insecurities. Do your own thing. Rant over
Yes yes yes! Love this post. And I agree. I get up early most days (not 5am though 😳) and do a load of stuff that’s good for me - yoga, meditate, dog walk and I do like a journal 🤣 but it’s not every day and it’s definitely not perfect. But I discovered (unfortunately through illness) that this sets me up well for the day and I enjoy it.
But I do it my way and don’t beat myself up when I lie in on a Sunday and don’t bother or eat too much chocolate. And I don’t have matching or lots of workout gear.
We may differ on this point, I’m not sure, but I think modern society needs more quiet time and reflection and less immediate stimulation when we wake up so I do advocate for a morning routine. And maybe what I’m talking about is a slower life 🤷♀️. And I think it does take a bit of effort to commit to it and follow it through. It’s not always easy and often it would be simpler to have the caffeine and the pastry and plough into the day.
Finding what’s right and matters for you is the crux I believe. Not a FOMO to do list for sure.
And possibly a stage of life thing too?
I’m 52, kids almost both flown the nest, I’ve had lobular breast cancer and I’m very fortunate in that I’m not under huge pressure to work full time right now - so I have a lot of choices open to me to go slow and make space for myself and simple things.
I wish 10 years ago though I could have applied some of the principles to my life to slow down …….
Sorry - long post but love this conversation on how we do the things that help us with the hindrance
Solitude and lonely can be two sides of the same coin in my experience. One deeply empowering, the other, a debilitating consequence of the hate-liking pressures of some kinds of social media. Seeking validation is human nature. Community can be comforting. A tribe is a tribe is a tribe. Putting oneself out there in any guise takes guts. We are all made up of parts of ´that girl’ really. At some point I believe we just all settle into our own skin. If we are lucky to be loved and cared for by our people. Maybe it’s an age thing. Maybe it’s just about how many times you’ve put one foot in front of your other foot and not tripped over. Just be you and other people like you will find you. But we should all catch that girl if she trips and tell them it’s okay to be you too. I love what you’re doing Molly. I hope you are enjoying it too💗
I’m old enough that when I think of That Girl, I think of Marlo Thomas and reruns of the tv show - lol. I said on a previous post of yours that I have nothing in common with your content but I still find it inspiring and encouraging, whether or not I am vegan, walk daily, workout or make time to read each day. I can still take inspiration for your content. I feel the same about the content you are talking about. As you said, take what you want and leave the rest 💕
I have been retired for six years, and still struggle with not comparing my life routines to others. I don't want to get up at 5am or join the latest reading group. Each day doesn't have to be an endless to do list. I never felt this way when I worked. It takes time and effort to adapt to an unstructured daily routine. The first step is accepting my life is what I make of it.
While a lot of my life is similar to 'that girl' with my 4am wake up and my coffee and reading and all that, I only really have time to journal on the weekends and I look forward to those slow mornings. I also have matching Activewear but I've gained some weight so it isn't in use lol. And while parts of my home are perfect, other parts contain the people and animals I love and therefore are ways messy but not any less beautiful to me. And dear lord please never let me forget that color exists and become some version of sad beige!
I’ve been retired for seven years now and it has taken all this time to develop the simple living I was desperate for. My job was very stressful and I knew it was starting to make me ill. Being retired is interesting as people always ask what you do, before my retirement they worried about what I would do. I have worked hard not to fill my time, I don’t look for things to do, I don’t want an endless round of commitments. I do a few things and I really enjoy them but the best days are the days when I am totally uncommitted. I don’t get up early, I’m a night owl and can give in to it, for me there is something beautiful about the still of the night. I love my life. I’ve simplified by decluttering, the stress of my job definitely made me buy things for that quick buzz. Every morning I have a quiet time, I read, think, look out of the window and am very still and in the moment. I love cooking so happily cook from scratch. I’ve be told I’m a sociable introvert and I think that’s true, but being alone and being lonely are two very different things. I think you are inspiring Molly, and I wonder if at, well, late 60s I’m your oldest fan. I love your honestly and authenticity, and I’ve love to one day talk books with you. Take care 🙂
I loved this Molly! I think it's super important to look at these online trends with a critical eye – I find more often than not that there's an element of consumerism attached to it. Products will go viral because they're attributed to a particular trend or aesthetic, and then audiences feel like they must buy into it if they want to achieve the same life. I think it's so wrong for brands to capitalise on it! There are definitely positives to trends like "that girl", but I think the scale could easily tip too far for some people. This was such a great read, thank you 😊
I think it's good to have a drive to look after your physical and mental wellbeing. I believe the trend started as a reaction to the very corporate lifestyle that had been trending before. So, the assumptions of focusing on your needs have been good. Until it's been taken too far.
I think it's important to find your balance; to find the activities that fit your current situation and personality. As soon as something good becomes a trend (and it's being exploited), I start to get suspicious.
I think there is a lot of danger in the perfectionist model the -that girl- trend encouraged. When i was younger i used to put pressure on myself to do all the things but i was often exhausted and felt bad if i missed a step. It was not helpful!!
What a well written and honest post. So on point, and I'm 1000% certain, many feel exactly as you do.
What I'm also almost a 1000% sure, is that these girls that post that kind of videos don't actually live a life like that.
It's all set in scene, it's well thought out. The looks, the aesthetics, the foods, the clothes, the beautiful journals with gorgeous handwriting and colourful butterflies drawn next to the checkboxes. It's fake (most of it).
But yeah, we buy into the idea (including myself) that's how it has to be. I've had Notion dashboards, morning routines and way to many avocado toasts. I also was confronted with the fact IT DOES NOT WORK LIKE THIS. We are human, not robots.
Honestly, Molly, the best thing I ever did for myself and to avoid falling into this trap, was quitting social media.
You know, when I read that this trend “encourages people to be the best versions of themselves” I get angry. The best versions of ourselves are not necessarily 5am yoga and journal ones. Add to that the “I’m a better person because I get up at 5 am” and I want to scream. Seriously, we all have different biological clocks and not everyone would be at their best in the mornings. And also, what if the best version of myself is the one lying on the sofa, reading and drinking wine? Or the one waking up at noon and staring out the window for half an hour while drinking my morning tea? Oh my, I really can’t stand this “this is the best way to live your life” educational trend on social media. I don’t mind people sharing their way of life, but I really can’t stand the conviction that it would be the best way for everyone else.
So very heart-warmingly real, Molly! I am definitely not "that girl". I have a routine, not aesthetic at all. Just a simple life, just being. I'll go crazy and broke with all that's "trending" 😁.
I learnt this the hard way, stopped being a people pleaser and having better boundaries. I try my best to stick to the little everyday promises that I have made to myself, to bloom wherever I am❤️
I've never watched anything on Tik Tok so I'm not aware of the 'that girl' trend, but I suspect that most of what people see isn't the same as what goes on behind the cameras. The 'pretty' aesthetic is probably all staged, like many Instagram and other social media shoots, whilst the reality is their lives and homes are as messy and disorganised as our own. What we really want is authenticity which is what your posts convey.
A lot of these trends focus on doing and not being. Personally I don’t journal. I’m a 50 plus woman so all this before I go into work for 8. No thanks. I go a walk after work, wee bit of yoga, read a book and rest. It’s also good to be bored. Don’t get me started on the skincare stuff. You have toner that rips of all the good stuff on your skin, then you need to moisturise to put the barrier back you just ripped off. Don’t forget to spend money getting a different set of stuff for the evening and oh different stuff for your eyes etc etc. The trend targets women and their insecurities. Do your own thing. Rant over
Yes yes yes! Love this post. And I agree. I get up early most days (not 5am though 😳) and do a load of stuff that’s good for me - yoga, meditate, dog walk and I do like a journal 🤣 but it’s not every day and it’s definitely not perfect. But I discovered (unfortunately through illness) that this sets me up well for the day and I enjoy it.
But I do it my way and don’t beat myself up when I lie in on a Sunday and don’t bother or eat too much chocolate. And I don’t have matching or lots of workout gear.
We may differ on this point, I’m not sure, but I think modern society needs more quiet time and reflection and less immediate stimulation when we wake up so I do advocate for a morning routine. And maybe what I’m talking about is a slower life 🤷♀️. And I think it does take a bit of effort to commit to it and follow it through. It’s not always easy and often it would be simpler to have the caffeine and the pastry and plough into the day.
Finding what’s right and matters for you is the crux I believe. Not a FOMO to do list for sure.
And possibly a stage of life thing too?
I’m 52, kids almost both flown the nest, I’ve had lobular breast cancer and I’m very fortunate in that I’m not under huge pressure to work full time right now - so I have a lot of choices open to me to go slow and make space for myself and simple things.
I wish 10 years ago though I could have applied some of the principles to my life to slow down …….
Sorry - long post but love this conversation on how we do the things that help us with the hindrance
Lovely post. Thank you 🙏🏻
Whenever reading anything online, it’s important to pick it apart and grab the takeaways that are applicable to you, if any.
If anything makes you feel bad or if not checking the box each day stresses you out — it’s not for you.
Solitude and lonely can be two sides of the same coin in my experience. One deeply empowering, the other, a debilitating consequence of the hate-liking pressures of some kinds of social media. Seeking validation is human nature. Community can be comforting. A tribe is a tribe is a tribe. Putting oneself out there in any guise takes guts. We are all made up of parts of ´that girl’ really. At some point I believe we just all settle into our own skin. If we are lucky to be loved and cared for by our people. Maybe it’s an age thing. Maybe it’s just about how many times you’ve put one foot in front of your other foot and not tripped over. Just be you and other people like you will find you. But we should all catch that girl if she trips and tell them it’s okay to be you too. I love what you’re doing Molly. I hope you are enjoying it too💗
I’m old enough that when I think of That Girl, I think of Marlo Thomas and reruns of the tv show - lol. I said on a previous post of yours that I have nothing in common with your content but I still find it inspiring and encouraging, whether or not I am vegan, walk daily, workout or make time to read each day. I can still take inspiration for your content. I feel the same about the content you are talking about. As you said, take what you want and leave the rest 💕
I have been retired for six years, and still struggle with not comparing my life routines to others. I don't want to get up at 5am or join the latest reading group. Each day doesn't have to be an endless to do list. I never felt this way when I worked. It takes time and effort to adapt to an unstructured daily routine. The first step is accepting my life is what I make of it.
I think I might be a bit disappointed if you did want to be that girl. You are my perfect daughter and that will do for me. Xx
While a lot of my life is similar to 'that girl' with my 4am wake up and my coffee and reading and all that, I only really have time to journal on the weekends and I look forward to those slow mornings. I also have matching Activewear but I've gained some weight so it isn't in use lol. And while parts of my home are perfect, other parts contain the people and animals I love and therefore are ways messy but not any less beautiful to me. And dear lord please never let me forget that color exists and become some version of sad beige!
I’ve been retired for seven years now and it has taken all this time to develop the simple living I was desperate for. My job was very stressful and I knew it was starting to make me ill. Being retired is interesting as people always ask what you do, before my retirement they worried about what I would do. I have worked hard not to fill my time, I don’t look for things to do, I don’t want an endless round of commitments. I do a few things and I really enjoy them but the best days are the days when I am totally uncommitted. I don’t get up early, I’m a night owl and can give in to it, for me there is something beautiful about the still of the night. I love my life. I’ve simplified by decluttering, the stress of my job definitely made me buy things for that quick buzz. Every morning I have a quiet time, I read, think, look out of the window and am very still and in the moment. I love cooking so happily cook from scratch. I’ve be told I’m a sociable introvert and I think that’s true, but being alone and being lonely are two very different things. I think you are inspiring Molly, and I wonder if at, well, late 60s I’m your oldest fan. I love your honestly and authenticity, and I’ve love to one day talk books with you. Take care 🙂
I loved this Molly! I think it's super important to look at these online trends with a critical eye – I find more often than not that there's an element of consumerism attached to it. Products will go viral because they're attributed to a particular trend or aesthetic, and then audiences feel like they must buy into it if they want to achieve the same life. I think it's so wrong for brands to capitalise on it! There are definitely positives to trends like "that girl", but I think the scale could easily tip too far for some people. This was such a great read, thank you 😊
I think it's good to have a drive to look after your physical and mental wellbeing. I believe the trend started as a reaction to the very corporate lifestyle that had been trending before. So, the assumptions of focusing on your needs have been good. Until it's been taken too far.
I think it's important to find your balance; to find the activities that fit your current situation and personality. As soon as something good becomes a trend (and it's being exploited), I start to get suspicious.
I think there is a lot of danger in the perfectionist model the -that girl- trend encouraged. When i was younger i used to put pressure on myself to do all the things but i was often exhausted and felt bad if i missed a step. It was not helpful!!
What a well written and honest post. So on point, and I'm 1000% certain, many feel exactly as you do.
What I'm also almost a 1000% sure, is that these girls that post that kind of videos don't actually live a life like that.
It's all set in scene, it's well thought out. The looks, the aesthetics, the foods, the clothes, the beautiful journals with gorgeous handwriting and colourful butterflies drawn next to the checkboxes. It's fake (most of it).
But yeah, we buy into the idea (including myself) that's how it has to be. I've had Notion dashboards, morning routines and way to many avocado toasts. I also was confronted with the fact IT DOES NOT WORK LIKE THIS. We are human, not robots.
Honestly, Molly, the best thing I ever did for myself and to avoid falling into this trap, was quitting social media.
Btw, I'm subscribing!
You know, when I read that this trend “encourages people to be the best versions of themselves” I get angry. The best versions of ourselves are not necessarily 5am yoga and journal ones. Add to that the “I’m a better person because I get up at 5 am” and I want to scream. Seriously, we all have different biological clocks and not everyone would be at their best in the mornings. And also, what if the best version of myself is the one lying on the sofa, reading and drinking wine? Or the one waking up at noon and staring out the window for half an hour while drinking my morning tea? Oh my, I really can’t stand this “this is the best way to live your life” educational trend on social media. I don’t mind people sharing their way of life, but I really can’t stand the conviction that it would be the best way for everyone else.
So very heart-warmingly real, Molly! I am definitely not "that girl". I have a routine, not aesthetic at all. Just a simple life, just being. I'll go crazy and broke with all that's "trending" 😁.
I learnt this the hard way, stopped being a people pleaser and having better boundaries. I try my best to stick to the little everyday promises that I have made to myself, to bloom wherever I am❤️