You are very lucky Molly to still have such a great friend! I’ve fell victim to the 30s friendship doom - so maybe even if I’ve found that in reality, now I have no friends, it’s lovely to read about your adventures ❤️
Yes Molly - I love thinking that the best and most interesting is yet to come! Hope you are well! I’m recovering from my operation and managed a light yoga session this morning which massively helps me mood! And of course my favourite months begin next week -the ‘ber months!
Don't give up, Rebecca. Life is long and as the other Rebecca said above, the landscapes of friendship alter as we do. I've found my expectations and experiences of it have changed at different stages of my life, and not always for the worse. Your best and most interesting friendships may yet be to come!
I love that idea, that your most special friendships may still be ahead of you 🧡 they could be with people you haven’t yet met, or with ones you’re already friends with, but with whom the friendship just hasn’t come to its full bloom yet ✨
You do need to tend to your friendships or they may wither and die. Yet there are also friends I haven't seen in years where we met up chat instantly feel comfortable, it is as if we have left off from our last conversation. During my life due to always moving house to new countries or throughout the UK there have been some very quiet times on the friend front, mostly due to living out in the sticks with just the countryside for company. I have also made good friends who had to move away due to their husband's work. Yet we still keep in contact via writing real letters, the email and telephone calls. I also meet up with art friends but only twice a year. Mostly because so much seems to be happening within the family unit. My husband is my best friend and I am happy to go out with him all the time. Yet seeing friends is refreshing and they give me a different perspective on life which is terribly important.
This is very true. I had a lot of friends when I was a student, another lot of friends when I worked overseas for two years and yet another group when I came back to the UK. Then I had a shortage of friends, until, oddly lockdown! During lockdown i found myself making meaningful social media connections and developing regular email habits with a colleague and then once lockdown was relaxed, those virtual friendships successfully became real life friendships. I'm in my 50s and my closest friendship has lasted over 30 years.
Ah yes, sometimes friendships are born or deepened when you wouldn’t necessarily expect it. I remember living abroad in London and struggling to make friends, which actually deepened an already existing friendship by our phone calls about my struggles, ironically, to make friends
Clearly you are very gifted and successful in friendship, Molly, and your friends are very lucky!
Now, in my sixties, worrying about one's 30s seeming to be too late for anything seems funny! Thinking back though, I guess most of my older friendships did disappear at about that time. This was partly circumstantial. One or two were rekindled, sometimes to die again, new ones came and went. I never did social media other than a blog into which I put a great deal of my creative and social energy for ten years from my forties to my fifties. It was often wonderful and the relationships that came from it were genuine and enriching, at the time (it also provided a means for family and older friends to keep in touch), but the blog, and the connections made there, had a life. It was painful to give up but also, in the end, a relief and now I appreciate that I am in another stage of my life.
Now I think I have different expectations of friends and friendship; I've made a few very nice, positive connections of recent times, I think they are less intimate but more relaxed, quite transactional in some ways (or at least based on what the French call 'entraide', mutual help and support) but less based on emotional neediness.
I don't know if I'm really very good at friendship, I think with those which have lasted it's been down to the kindness and loyalty of the friends, and not much thanks to me! But I'm glad of them anyway.
Everything about this resonated so deeply with me, Molly. I’m incredibly lucky that my core friends from college are still in my daily life, and sometimes I find myself frustrated that the “new” friendships I’ve made in my 30s aren’t as effortless or intimate. But I’m now realizing that’s ok - friendships can come in different depths and dimensions ☺️❤️
There is so much truth in this post. I know exactly what you mean about coming off of Facebook; I don't miss it at all, but there are plenty of people I've completely forgotten that exist. My circle is smaller, but it's a bloody good circle. 💚
I love this! It took me a while to understand that friendships can be transient and don't have to last a lifetime, but that those friendships are still so important. And that the landscape of friendship definitely changes as we get older.
Singing taylor swift with the windows down!!! This spoke to my heart 😅
Due to poor mental health I never really obtained those “bonds” of pre-25, and relied on online friends. I then deactivated my accounts but deliberately got in touch with the few I really didn’t want to lose, and I would say since coming off of social media the quality of my connections has increased dramatically! I don’t have the quantity I had whilst active on social media but have enough to count on one hand to chat to about various things. It’s lovely to read of your friendship adventures and venturing out of the preconceived introvert shell! 🐚 here’s to more enjoyable friendships within our means ☺️
I returned to grad school in my mid-thirties and made some of my closest friends there. And then last year, at 43, I returned again and met a new friend that I think could be another lifelong one. It definitely requires putting yourself out there and it means that you have to intentionally make the time to give to the growth of the friendship but it's a special thing every time.
As someone who struggles with social anxiety and therefore currently has no friends, being without that kind of connection really highlights to me everyday just how necessary it is to have friendships. I have my parents and my husband who I am deeply grateful for but I endlessly long to have people in my life who I can really share things with. Someone to share my interests with, someone to walk alongside in shared life experiences, someone to just call or txt to tell them something a little mundane but means something to us. I truly do hope I can find this someday. It really does feel like a rarity in this world at times.
This was lovely and so uplifting Molly! As I near the end of my 30s I have made a couple of really good new local friends, and I still have my old friends who I count as very dear to me but these days much longer goes by without contact, because…life…but at the same time, you’re right that friendships require work. Actually this summer has been one of reunions with friends and family that I don’t see or speak to often enough and it was so special to spend quality time together, which can be tricky in everyday life. And amazingly, I feel like in the last year I have been on Substack, I have made some meaningful friendships here that I really treasure xx
I have been so happy to see over the past few years how friendship has been written about as equally important than any other relationship.
It has always been important to me, and I have had long-distance friendship for over ten years now, but remember how before I met my husband seven years ago, I had so many questions (unwanted mostly) about when/how/if I had met someone to whom I was romantically involved, as if I had a void to fill, as if the friends I had were not enough to make me happy or be as important as blood my family or the alone time I so loved to bask in.
Yes my husband is also my best friend, and my priorities have changed and the time I can give is no longer the same but I am so happy that my close friendship have remained in my life because work was done on both sides, and yes we had to cancel so many times, yet the one time we made it, oh what a glorious moment, a delightful victory !
Another beautiful essay, and one I love to read about and wish to see more of always.
Loved reading this piece, Molly! am grateful to have really strong friendships in my thirties with women I met in my early twenties and early onward. The care and attention does change as we age and I’ve found the more forgiving we are with each other, believing the best, and the more flexible we are with how we connect the more we are able to hold each other close.
You are very lucky Molly to still have such a great friend! I’ve fell victim to the 30s friendship doom - so maybe even if I’ve found that in reality, now I have no friends, it’s lovely to read about your adventures ❤️
Some lovely responses to your comment Rebecca, I hope they make you smile :)
Yes Molly - I love thinking that the best and most interesting is yet to come! Hope you are well! I’m recovering from my operation and managed a light yoga session this morning which massively helps me mood! And of course my favourite months begin next week -the ‘ber months!
Don't give up, Rebecca. Life is long and as the other Rebecca said above, the landscapes of friendship alter as we do. I've found my expectations and experiences of it have changed at different stages of my life, and not always for the worse. Your best and most interesting friendships may yet be to come!
I love that idea, that your most special friendships may still be ahead of you 🧡 they could be with people you haven’t yet met, or with ones you’re already friends with, but with whom the friendship just hasn’t come to its full bloom yet ✨
You do need to tend to your friendships or they may wither and die. Yet there are also friends I haven't seen in years where we met up chat instantly feel comfortable, it is as if we have left off from our last conversation. During my life due to always moving house to new countries or throughout the UK there have been some very quiet times on the friend front, mostly due to living out in the sticks with just the countryside for company. I have also made good friends who had to move away due to their husband's work. Yet we still keep in contact via writing real letters, the email and telephone calls. I also meet up with art friends but only twice a year. Mostly because so much seems to be happening within the family unit. My husband is my best friend and I am happy to go out with him all the time. Yet seeing friends is refreshing and they give me a different perspective on life which is terribly important.
I love that you write letter's to your friends! Its something I'd like to start doing :)
This is very true. I had a lot of friends when I was a student, another lot of friends when I worked overseas for two years and yet another group when I came back to the UK. Then I had a shortage of friends, until, oddly lockdown! During lockdown i found myself making meaningful social media connections and developing regular email habits with a colleague and then once lockdown was relaxed, those virtual friendships successfully became real life friendships. I'm in my 50s and my closest friendship has lasted over 30 years.
This is so interesting! I think lock down taught us all a lot about the value of the people in our lives :)
Ah yes, sometimes friendships are born or deepened when you wouldn’t necessarily expect it. I remember living abroad in London and struggling to make friends, which actually deepened an already existing friendship by our phone calls about my struggles, ironically, to make friends
Clearly you are very gifted and successful in friendship, Molly, and your friends are very lucky!
Now, in my sixties, worrying about one's 30s seeming to be too late for anything seems funny! Thinking back though, I guess most of my older friendships did disappear at about that time. This was partly circumstantial. One or two were rekindled, sometimes to die again, new ones came and went. I never did social media other than a blog into which I put a great deal of my creative and social energy for ten years from my forties to my fifties. It was often wonderful and the relationships that came from it were genuine and enriching, at the time (it also provided a means for family and older friends to keep in touch), but the blog, and the connections made there, had a life. It was painful to give up but also, in the end, a relief and now I appreciate that I am in another stage of my life.
Now I think I have different expectations of friends and friendship; I've made a few very nice, positive connections of recent times, I think they are less intimate but more relaxed, quite transactional in some ways (or at least based on what the French call 'entraide', mutual help and support) but less based on emotional neediness.
I don't know if I'm really very good at friendship, I think with those which have lasted it's been down to the kindness and loyalty of the friends, and not much thanks to me! But I'm glad of them anyway.
Thank you for sharing your experience Lucy :)
Everything about this resonated so deeply with me, Molly. I’m incredibly lucky that my core friends from college are still in my daily life, and sometimes I find myself frustrated that the “new” friendships I’ve made in my 30s aren’t as effortless or intimate. But I’m now realizing that’s ok - friendships can come in different depths and dimensions ☺️❤️
So true, thank you for sharing lovely :)
There is so much truth in this post. I know exactly what you mean about coming off of Facebook; I don't miss it at all, but there are plenty of people I've completely forgotten that exist. My circle is smaller, but it's a bloody good circle. 💚
Love this! :)
I love this! It took me a while to understand that friendships can be transient and don't have to last a lifetime, but that those friendships are still so important. And that the landscape of friendship definitely changes as we get older.
Singing taylor swift with the windows down!!! This spoke to my heart 😅
Friendship must be built on a solid foundation of sarcasm, inside jokes, and shenanigans.
Due to poor mental health I never really obtained those “bonds” of pre-25, and relied on online friends. I then deactivated my accounts but deliberately got in touch with the few I really didn’t want to lose, and I would say since coming off of social media the quality of my connections has increased dramatically! I don’t have the quantity I had whilst active on social media but have enough to count on one hand to chat to about various things. It’s lovely to read of your friendship adventures and venturing out of the preconceived introvert shell! 🐚 here’s to more enjoyable friendships within our means ☺️
That's so interesting to hear, thank you for sharing! :)
I returned to grad school in my mid-thirties and made some of my closest friends there. And then last year, at 43, I returned again and met a new friend that I think could be another lifelong one. It definitely requires putting yourself out there and it means that you have to intentionally make the time to give to the growth of the friendship but it's a special thing every time.
So wonderful to hear this! :)
I love this so much!
Beautifully written piece! 💕🙌
Thank you! :)
As someone who struggles with social anxiety and therefore currently has no friends, being without that kind of connection really highlights to me everyday just how necessary it is to have friendships. I have my parents and my husband who I am deeply grateful for but I endlessly long to have people in my life who I can really share things with. Someone to share my interests with, someone to walk alongside in shared life experiences, someone to just call or txt to tell them something a little mundane but means something to us. I truly do hope I can find this someday. It really does feel like a rarity in this world at times.
I hope you can too, but I'm sure you are not alone in this and there are so many opportunities in life to find meaningful connections :)
This was lovely and so uplifting Molly! As I near the end of my 30s I have made a couple of really good new local friends, and I still have my old friends who I count as very dear to me but these days much longer goes by without contact, because…life…but at the same time, you’re right that friendships require work. Actually this summer has been one of reunions with friends and family that I don’t see or speak to often enough and it was so special to spend quality time together, which can be tricky in everyday life. And amazingly, I feel like in the last year I have been on Substack, I have made some meaningful friendships here that I really treasure xx
That's so lovely to hear! Online connections can be so very rewarding :)
I have been so happy to see over the past few years how friendship has been written about as equally important than any other relationship.
It has always been important to me, and I have had long-distance friendship for over ten years now, but remember how before I met my husband seven years ago, I had so many questions (unwanted mostly) about when/how/if I had met someone to whom I was romantically involved, as if I had a void to fill, as if the friends I had were not enough to make me happy or be as important as blood my family or the alone time I so loved to bask in.
Yes my husband is also my best friend, and my priorities have changed and the time I can give is no longer the same but I am so happy that my close friendship have remained in my life because work was done on both sides, and yes we had to cancel so many times, yet the one time we made it, oh what a glorious moment, a delightful victory !
Another beautiful essay, and one I love to read about and wish to see more of always.
So lovely to hear about your friendships :)
Loved reading this piece, Molly! am grateful to have really strong friendships in my thirties with women I met in my early twenties and early onward. The care and attention does change as we age and I’ve found the more forgiving we are with each other, believing the best, and the more flexible we are with how we connect the more we are able to hold each other close.
Such wise words! :)