What's wrong with a little mystery?
How I’ve created digital boundaries as an online creative
Hello, I’m Molly and I write about my slow and simple life in the Scottish Highlands. Subscribe for free to enjoy occasional posts from me. Or, better yet, join our slow community of kindred spirits to unlock ALL my content, including exclusive writing, videos and resources, to help you live the life you REALLY crave. We’d love you to join us for a cuppa…
I’ve been vocal in my decision to leave social media.
That’s why it was a shock when I opened Facebook for the first time in over a year.
Although I deleted my Instagram and Twitter, and never set up a TikTok account (thank god), I’d chosen to disable my Facebook instead, purely so I could still access Marketplace, which we used extensively when building our Tiny Home.
I was surprised at my emotional response. On viewing my timeline, filled with reams of videos and photos from people that I haven’t spoken to in years, sharing personal moments from their lives, rather than piquing my interest, I felt intensely uncomfortable. Almost dirty.
Since the rise in social media, it feels like we’ve lost the ability to be mysterious and, more worryingly, the line between what should be public or private has become blurred.
Besides the obvious safety concerns that comes from oversharing online, this behaviour can also have a negative impact on our mental health.
Research indicates that there are many reasons why people feel the push to share personal details online. These can include seeking attention, validation for our life choices or craving connection and intimacy that we may be lacking in our offline life.
Although these actions can give us short term hits of dopamine, besides the other well-documented negative side-effects of social media use, studies have indicated that this lack of control over personal information can cause the same level of stress as working in an open plan office.
Can you build an online audience as a private person?
Getting the balance right between what is beneficial to share publicly and what should remain private is getting increasingly difficult. Especially if, like me, you make an income from sharing your life online.
Although it may be counter-intuitive to admit considering my job, I’ve always been a private person. I prefer to process life changes internally and have always had a firm line between my work and private life.
Yet, I also recognise the importance of being authentic if you want to connect with a community. I want to be open and honest with my audience about all aspects of my life, not just my highlight reel.
As this is my full time job, I also have to be practical and consider financial implications. I don’t want to miss out on an opportunity to capture content that will help grow my business, even if that sacrifices ‘living in the moment’.
How I’ve build digital boundaries
I put my life first
Its so easy to fall into the trap of putting capturing content above actually living.
I’m someone that loves romanticising my life, such as going on bookish days out or spending a cosy afternoon baking, but I was finding that I was putting the pressure on myself to do this just so I could get content, which just didn’t sit right.
Sometimes, all I want to do is watch Bridgerton in my PJs, and I should be able to do that without guilt.
Its a hard lesson, but I’m slowly learning to fit work around my life, not the other way around.
Have set time off
I’ve put boundaries in place to ensure that I’m not always collecting content.
For instance, I share some of my nature writing on my Substack, but I keep most of this for myself as a fun creative hobby and a way of connecting deeper with the world around me.
On my YouTube, I’ve never shared my evenings, and less frequently share my weekends, because this is a time that I earmark for myself or to spend with love ones.
Knowing where the line is from the off means I’m much better at sticking to it and allowing myself to have proper time off.
Dealing with online trolls
I knew going into this career that there would be a risk of online trolls.
Luckily, I have a beautiful online community and the vast majority of the comments I receive are supportive. But not all of them.
This means that I’m careful about opening up about my personal struggles. I only do this when I feel in a strong enough place and the positives of sharing this information outweigh the risks.
When those negative comments come, I have no qualms about deleting them. My mental health comes first.
Protecting my loved ones
Just because I’m happy to share my life online, doesn’t mean my friends and family feel the same. Quite rightly.
I never feature my loved ones in my videos, which can be challenging as I share a Tiny Home with my partner!
Apart from our dog, Skye (who loves posing for the camera), I keep this part of my life private.
This is a decision everyone, content creator or otherwise, can only make for themselves. Its a choice that should be respected.
Finding a safe space online
As much as I’m thrilled to have grown a substantial audience on my YouTube, this does mean that I’ve become more conscious about what I’m sharing there.
I’ve loved growing my paid membership here on Substack as its given me a safe space to share more personal details that I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing elsewhere, such as recently opening up about my successes and challenges this year as part of my mid-year reset.
Every single member of this community is kind and considerate and, crucially, I have complete control over who is allowed into this space.
Nowadays, I love having a little mystery in my life. Of going on adventures without feeling the need to share it in an Insta-worthy photo. Allowing myself this time just for me.
I’d love to hear about your own digital boundaries, so please do share them in the comments.
Until next week,
Molly xx
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I respect and admire the boundaries you have set for yourself and share here, Molly. I’ve always struggled with boundaries myself. As a chronic helper (teacher, coach), I often feel that I am more human, relatable, approachable if I present as an open book, baring my experiences and pains for all to see. But I’m learning that this is not the healthiest or even the most effective way of forging these relationships, especially because it tends to expose me to all the things I’d like to eliminate from my life altogether. Thank you for reminding me of the value of mystery.
I loved your list, Molly. So much of it resonated with me as a private person who also enjoys connecting with people online. I liked a term I heard recently called 'moving in silence' where you don't announce goals or plans online but work away quietly and then share the results - if you choose to. I am all for more mystery!