I respect and admire the boundaries you have set for yourself and share here, Molly. I’ve always struggled with boundaries myself. As a chronic helper (teacher, coach), I often feel that I am more human, relatable, approachable if I present as an open book, baring my experiences and pains for all to see. But I’m learning that this is not the healthiest or even the most effective way of forging these relationships, especially because it tends to expose me to all the things I’d like to eliminate from my life altogether. Thank you for reminding me of the value of mystery.
I loved your list, Molly. So much of it resonated with me as a private person who also enjoys connecting with people online. I liked a term I heard recently called 'moving in silence' where you don't announce goals or plans online but work away quietly and then share the results - if you choose to. I am all for more mystery!
I loved this piece Molly. I am glad you have found the right balance regarding what to share. I avoid reading long romantic dialogues between partners online and sometimes wonder why people feel the need to share those ultra intimate moments with so many people. I stopped posting photographs of my grandchildren on Facebook after reading a very interesting article written by a young woman who, on hitting her late teens or early 20s, suddenly realised that her every waking moment had been documented by her mother on her mother’s Facebook page. When she scrolled back through her mother’s page, she was absolutely horrified at what had been shared. Her mother didn’t do it out of spite and probably didn’t think anything of it. However, this young lady had a chat with her mother, asked her to delete all the posts about her growing up and not to post anything about her again. She gently explained that it was her life, and she would prefer not to have so many details and photos shared with people she didn’t even know. I thought about that a lot and actually came to agree with her. Now, if I take a photograph of one of my grandchildren with the intention of sending it to a family member or close friend, I always show the photograph to the grandchild first and ask permission if it’s okay to send this photo. It is their image, not mine and I feel better for doing this.
These are such important points. Its so tricky to navigate what to share these days, but it sounds like you are finding a balance that works for your family :)
I get what you mean, as there are likely people who will chastise you for being too personal or will take advantage of that. But many of us use social media or need it. And we’re all people so we instinctively want to connect. It is best to conceal parts of who you are to protect yourself but it’s not bad if you’re willing to show what you feel like showing. As it gives that personal feeling to others and makes them not feel alone in their path of their life.
Hi Molly, I too find it interesting when I open Facebook after not opening it for a while (in my case a week or so rather than months). I no longer put my life online - occasionally I'll share pictures on my Insta / FB stories, but more often than not these are things I do myself and rarely with others. Most other things do not get shared online and it feels good and freeing to not care about likes or the dopamine hit or to feel I have to prove anything to anyone.
Thank you for sharing this Molly. I've recently deleted Instagram, Tiktok and my e-mail app from my phone and blocked Daily Mail from my mobile web browser. It's an adjustment for sure -- but I am enjoying the slowness of being offline. Rather than getting sucked into seeking out opinions and gossip about the Trooping of the Colour (something which I enjoyed watching), I went out and got a newspaper the day (with photos and articles about the event) and sat down for a solid 40 minutes reading the newspaper, slowly. It was bliss! Of course, with a newspaper comes opinions. But it's slow, it's easy and it's comforting. So I guess, my thoughts are slightly different from me being mysterious but it's more - I'm allowing there to be a bit more mystery in my life. I don't need a thousand opinions bombarding my brain at once. I can slowly and carefully choose what I digest. And I feel so much better for doing so..
I love how you've turned this on its head Jess. You're right that it goes both ways and we don't always need to know every detail about everything. In fact, that can be a little overwhelming!
I feel as though this is a really raw account of how to navigate the online space. I recently took 6 months off all socials (including Substack) and realised many things but one was that I stopped capturing images/photos that I could use as content and really did become more present in my moment to moment life. My art also benefited hugely, creating without sharing any part of the process. It’s been great, and I’m happy to utilise Substack again as it fits into this slower pace I’ve been cultivating. Boundaries are always important and you’ve touched on some of the most significant when being online, thank yoi!
Thank you Molly, certainly lots to think about in your insightful post. I used to arrange an exhibition at a gallery and then I would quietly work on my new collection of oil paintings not showing anyone even a glimpse of my work until I was ready and the exhibition was hung. Yet recently I have shown my work when each painting is finished on my business facebook page and also on instagram. But have felt that unless I am online a great deal my posts do not get noticed very much, or worse I get fake buyers sending me personal messages, which is a waste of time. In some ways it is good to see what other artists are doing and they respond like, yet thinking about it perhaps the old mysterious way of doing things is best. I feel I have to do things properly or not at all! As my sales come from the two galleries I show with it does make sense to focus quietly on just creating the work.
Brilliant. I'm also an intensely private person and am very selective about what I choose to share online. Protecting my loved ones and keeping certain aspects of my life off limits are big boundaries for me as well. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this.
Such an interesting post Molly, I loved your consideration of loved ones too. I barely touch my personal social media anymore (despite working in social media marketing) and I totally relate to you saying it feels 'dirty'. The more time I spend away from socials, the more I'm baffled by what people are willing to share on there - I feel like I'm snooping!
I follow the tip that if you’re not growing and learning as a person and if it isn’t enriching your life then you’re connecting to the wrong online community. So rather than look at any online connection as negative I just change it and seek the right kind of connections for my life.
I seek online support/ connection / learning for whole family complex trauma healing and trauma informed/ emotionally connected parenting solo which includes school attendance difficulties.
I also have my own private Facebook group too.
I follow you as slow living in an essential part of my life.
I also love a 10 minute vlog on YouTube rather than a lengthy series on TV as it gives me more time for all the other essentials as I have a heavy work load. It gives me a 10 minute rest with something lovely and it keeps me company as life is lonely and it recharges me.
I've been taking a Social media hiatus as well, and it seems to have become a happy trend with growing millennials. It's nice to hear that balance can be maintained, and that the positves continue to outweigh the negatives. My mental health has been better offline, so much so, I'm not rushing back anytime soon. Anyway, thanks for sharing 😊 It was nice to hear your experience.
Hello Molly - having recently completed your questionnaire re how much content people would like from you , I did say I would like more but this is only because I have reduced bloggers/vloggers (probably down to about a handful) & these are people I really enjoy receiving content from. so daily would be fine with me! But of course, I appreciate your need for your own time & not causing stress to you - I just wanted you to know that blogs/vlogs about anything you do are thoroughly enjoyed & therefore can't get enough of them! I love having time for myself & going places by myself because you don't feel accountable to anyone & can just do your own thing. So enjoy your own space & don't let yourself feel pressured - you are already appreciated!
I used to use Instagram but I decided I felt weird about sharing photos that were just a curated view of my world. So I deleted all my posts and now only use insta for follow a few select people. I unfollowed everyone on Fb and only use that for my choir now. But I still have the photos up there from when I was in my 20s… luckily I was out of my teens and uni by the time fb came along but even so - I often think I might delete all those pics.
I do feel conscious about writing on here sometimes but I tend to only write about things I’m ok about. I intended to write about mental health more than I do but I haven’t felt comfortable putting those struggles out there.
Anyway, well done you for maintaining boundaries! You’re an example to us all 🙌
I’ve never shown my children’s faces on my Instagram account with the exception of my newborn almost 7 years ago. It was one photo, just announcing that she had arrived safely. That’s it. I rarely had my children in a post, to be honest. I totally understand that each parent makes a different decision about what they share online of their family, but for me personally, I didn’t feel comfortable with having their faces online.
More often, I have found, that most are not willing to put themselves out there. I appreciate and respect that entirely. I made a choice to open up about my life’s bumpy “yellow brick road” in my Substack to build a community of trust and to represent all the hopefuls who might struggle in their own journey. I do use IG and FB as a gateway to my Substack, but have minimized my time there. Unhealthy is an understatement.
I respect and admire the boundaries you have set for yourself and share here, Molly. I’ve always struggled with boundaries myself. As a chronic helper (teacher, coach), I often feel that I am more human, relatable, approachable if I present as an open book, baring my experiences and pains for all to see. But I’m learning that this is not the healthiest or even the most effective way of forging these relationships, especially because it tends to expose me to all the things I’d like to eliminate from my life altogether. Thank you for reminding me of the value of mystery.
Thank you for sharing your experience Nicole :)
I loved your list, Molly. So much of it resonated with me as a private person who also enjoys connecting with people online. I liked a term I heard recently called 'moving in silence' where you don't announce goals or plans online but work away quietly and then share the results - if you choose to. I am all for more mystery!
Oh I love that phrase! Thank you for sharing :)
I loved this piece Molly. I am glad you have found the right balance regarding what to share. I avoid reading long romantic dialogues between partners online and sometimes wonder why people feel the need to share those ultra intimate moments with so many people. I stopped posting photographs of my grandchildren on Facebook after reading a very interesting article written by a young woman who, on hitting her late teens or early 20s, suddenly realised that her every waking moment had been documented by her mother on her mother’s Facebook page. When she scrolled back through her mother’s page, she was absolutely horrified at what had been shared. Her mother didn’t do it out of spite and probably didn’t think anything of it. However, this young lady had a chat with her mother, asked her to delete all the posts about her growing up and not to post anything about her again. She gently explained that it was her life, and she would prefer not to have so many details and photos shared with people she didn’t even know. I thought about that a lot and actually came to agree with her. Now, if I take a photograph of one of my grandchildren with the intention of sending it to a family member or close friend, I always show the photograph to the grandchild first and ask permission if it’s okay to send this photo. It is their image, not mine and I feel better for doing this.
These are such important points. Its so tricky to navigate what to share these days, but it sounds like you are finding a balance that works for your family :)
I get what you mean, as there are likely people who will chastise you for being too personal or will take advantage of that. But many of us use social media or need it. And we’re all people so we instinctively want to connect. It is best to conceal parts of who you are to protect yourself but it’s not bad if you’re willing to show what you feel like showing. As it gives that personal feeling to others and makes them not feel alone in their path of their life.
Hi Molly, I too find it interesting when I open Facebook after not opening it for a while (in my case a week or so rather than months). I no longer put my life online - occasionally I'll share pictures on my Insta / FB stories, but more often than not these are things I do myself and rarely with others. Most other things do not get shared online and it feels good and freeing to not care about likes or the dopamine hit or to feel I have to prove anything to anyone.
I love that attitude Rowena :)
Thank you for sharing this Molly. I've recently deleted Instagram, Tiktok and my e-mail app from my phone and blocked Daily Mail from my mobile web browser. It's an adjustment for sure -- but I am enjoying the slowness of being offline. Rather than getting sucked into seeking out opinions and gossip about the Trooping of the Colour (something which I enjoyed watching), I went out and got a newspaper the day (with photos and articles about the event) and sat down for a solid 40 minutes reading the newspaper, slowly. It was bliss! Of course, with a newspaper comes opinions. But it's slow, it's easy and it's comforting. So I guess, my thoughts are slightly different from me being mysterious but it's more - I'm allowing there to be a bit more mystery in my life. I don't need a thousand opinions bombarding my brain at once. I can slowly and carefully choose what I digest. And I feel so much better for doing so..
I love how you've turned this on its head Jess. You're right that it goes both ways and we don't always need to know every detail about everything. In fact, that can be a little overwhelming!
Absolutely -- there's joy in less, for sure! :)
I feel as though this is a really raw account of how to navigate the online space. I recently took 6 months off all socials (including Substack) and realised many things but one was that I stopped capturing images/photos that I could use as content and really did become more present in my moment to moment life. My art also benefited hugely, creating without sharing any part of the process. It’s been great, and I’m happy to utilise Substack again as it fits into this slower pace I’ve been cultivating. Boundaries are always important and you’ve touched on some of the most significant when being online, thank yoi!
I think a detox is a really powerful move and it sound like its worked wonderfully for you :)
Thank you Molly, certainly lots to think about in your insightful post. I used to arrange an exhibition at a gallery and then I would quietly work on my new collection of oil paintings not showing anyone even a glimpse of my work until I was ready and the exhibition was hung. Yet recently I have shown my work when each painting is finished on my business facebook page and also on instagram. But have felt that unless I am online a great deal my posts do not get noticed very much, or worse I get fake buyers sending me personal messages, which is a waste of time. In some ways it is good to see what other artists are doing and they respond like, yet thinking about it perhaps the old mysterious way of doing things is best. I feel I have to do things properly or not at all! As my sales come from the two galleries I show with it does make sense to focus quietly on just creating the work.
Thank you for sharing your experience Caroline, its really interesting to read!
Brilliant. I'm also an intensely private person and am very selective about what I choose to share online. Protecting my loved ones and keeping certain aspects of my life off limits are big boundaries for me as well. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this.
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed :)
Such an interesting post Molly, I loved your consideration of loved ones too. I barely touch my personal social media anymore (despite working in social media marketing) and I totally relate to you saying it feels 'dirty'. The more time I spend away from socials, the more I'm baffled by what people are willing to share on there - I feel like I'm snooping!
It really does!
My online specialise support is essential.
I found it during lockdown.
Without it I would have felt isolated.
I follow the tip that if you’re not growing and learning as a person and if it isn’t enriching your life then you’re connecting to the wrong online community. So rather than look at any online connection as negative I just change it and seek the right kind of connections for my life.
I seek online support/ connection / learning for whole family complex trauma healing and trauma informed/ emotionally connected parenting solo which includes school attendance difficulties.
I also have my own private Facebook group too.
I follow you as slow living in an essential part of my life.
I also love a 10 minute vlog on YouTube rather than a lengthy series on TV as it gives me more time for all the other essentials as I have a heavy work load. It gives me a 10 minute rest with something lovely and it keeps me company as life is lonely and it recharges me.
So thank you 😘
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! :)
I've been taking a Social media hiatus as well, and it seems to have become a happy trend with growing millennials. It's nice to hear that balance can be maintained, and that the positves continue to outweigh the negatives. My mental health has been better offline, so much so, I'm not rushing back anytime soon. Anyway, thanks for sharing 😊 It was nice to hear your experience.
I'm glad you are enjoying your time offline :)
Hello Molly - having recently completed your questionnaire re how much content people would like from you , I did say I would like more but this is only because I have reduced bloggers/vloggers (probably down to about a handful) & these are people I really enjoy receiving content from. so daily would be fine with me! But of course, I appreciate your need for your own time & not causing stress to you - I just wanted you to know that blogs/vlogs about anything you do are thoroughly enjoyed & therefore can't get enough of them! I love having time for myself & going places by myself because you don't feel accountable to anyone & can just do your own thing. So enjoy your own space & don't let yourself feel pressured - you are already appreciated!
Thank you so much for your kind comment Lisa! I really appreciate your support :)
I used to use Instagram but I decided I felt weird about sharing photos that were just a curated view of my world. So I deleted all my posts and now only use insta for follow a few select people. I unfollowed everyone on Fb and only use that for my choir now. But I still have the photos up there from when I was in my 20s… luckily I was out of my teens and uni by the time fb came along but even so - I often think I might delete all those pics.
I do feel conscious about writing on here sometimes but I tend to only write about things I’m ok about. I intended to write about mental health more than I do but I haven’t felt comfortable putting those struggles out there.
Anyway, well done you for maintaining boundaries! You’re an example to us all 🙌
Thank you Louise! I relate to planning to share more, but then realising I'm not comfortable with it yet. We have to look after ourselves first :)
I’ve never shown my children’s faces on my Instagram account with the exception of my newborn almost 7 years ago. It was one photo, just announcing that she had arrived safely. That’s it. I rarely had my children in a post, to be honest. I totally understand that each parent makes a different decision about what they share online of their family, but for me personally, I didn’t feel comfortable with having their faces online.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts Mackenzie :)
More often, I have found, that most are not willing to put themselves out there. I appreciate and respect that entirely. I made a choice to open up about my life’s bumpy “yellow brick road” in my Substack to build a community of trust and to represent all the hopefuls who might struggle in their own journey. I do use IG and FB as a gateway to my Substack, but have minimized my time there. Unhealthy is an understatement.
I am enjoying this little space over here 😊.
I'm glad you are having a positive experience with Substack! It is a lovely place to spend time :)